Recovery
by Matthew G Given
Summary: This story covers the end of the reaper war and Shepard's first few days recovering from it. It is the first in a series of several short stories that will cover Shepard and Tali's lives in the first few years after the Reaper War.
1. Prolog

**Prolog**

Shepard was tired all he wanted to do at this point was lay down and die. He was in pain,he had lost friends,he would never see Tali again,and now it looked like everything he had asked his friends to lay down their lives for was a lie. At that moment he didn't see how anyone in history's life could have been more pointless. He had lost his life,told lies,and asked people to lay down their lives in a pointless attempted to stop something he had been told could not be stopped and this is where it ended,with him having to choose between three things that would not solve the problem he had hoped he was solving. If it were up to him he would just lay down and die right now but he had one last duty to preform before his life could end,he could not let all his friends die for nothing he had to choose.

There was only one choice he could really make. If he choose destroy he would be exterminating an inter race,one that his friend Legion had given his life to save and he would not do that. He knew the Reapers could not be controlled,they would break free at some point and only come back when the galaxy was not ready for them,also wasn't that just doing to the Reapers what they were doing to the rest of the galaxy,how would that end the problem in the long run? That left just one choice to synthesize organic and synthetic life together. Shepard was not thrilled with this choice but at least it left the chance for peace with out anyone else dying.

One last duty that was all and then his pointless life would be over with. One last duty,he limped into the light as the child watched. Then as the light took him the child laughed at him and it was not in his voice but in the voice of a Reaper! "I told you that we were the next step and you could not defeat us,now watch your failure!" The last thing Shepard saw before he died was the Galaxy screaming as every everyone in it was turned into husks. "How could he have been so stupid?!" This is what had created the collectors and he had fallen into the trap,now his life really was pointless! The last thing he ever saw was Tali as she screamed in terror for him to save her,but he could not in fact he had done this to her and then everything went black.

Shepard woke covered in sweat. In the dark he groped frantically all around the bed,he had to make sure she was here and that it was only a dream! At times like this is was glad the Quarians no longer needed their suits,he needed to feel her breathing so he knew it was all a dream. Finally he found her and he felt his heart rate slow and he began to calm down. The thought of what he could have done to her was way to much for him to bare,thankfully it had only been a dream. At least he hoped that he was awake from the dream, and if this was the dream he did not want to wake up.

Tali'Shepard _vas Rannoch_ was awoken by the movement next to her,it was still pitch dark outside and it took her a minute to wake up. "John what is wrong?" she asked. In truth she knew what was wrong. Everyone who had lived through the Reaper War had the same problem. The Quarians called it Terror,the Turians called it the unending nightmare,the Asari called it the return to darkness,the Krogan called it The Dredge,and the Humans called it PTSD,but no matter what it was called everyone in the galaxy lived with some form of this fear that did not go away completely. Tali was thankful that her husband was strong and only seemed to suffer from it around this time every year. It had been five years since the end of the war and at first this had almost destroyed their marriage but in time they had learned how to help each other through these problems. She did what she always did she held him close and told him it was just a dream and that she was here and not leaving. They lay lay like that for what seemed like a lifetime while Shepard got calmed down and got his barrings. They were in their home,the one they had built together and all was well,the nightmare was over.

They stayed that way for a while even after the sun came up but soon they heard noise coming from upstairs. "Well" Tali yawned "It sounds like the kids are up so I need to get up,and you should get up too after all that reporter will be here in a few hours and we can't have you looking like you just got out of bed."

"Yeah" Shepard replied sleepily In truth he didn't feel like giving an interview but he had always kept his word and he would not break it now,and this reporter had been waiting more then eight years for this interview so there was no backing out.

Tali was about to leave when Shepard stood up and kissed her lightly. "I don't say this enough but thanks for being here for me,I would not have gotten through any of this with out you. I love you so much" This brought a tear to Tali's eye and the only thing she could think to say was "I love you too" she went to kiss him but just then one of the kids was knocking on the door.

After he had showered Shepard joined his family for breakfast. He of course could not eat the same food they did but one of the things Tali and he enjoyed was learning how to cook for each other's races. Quarians and Humans could not have children but the war had left a lot of children with out parents. This had effected the Quarians worse then any other race since they had left all their noncombatants on Rannoch when they went into battle and since that planet had not been hit it meant that whole families were whipped out leaving only young children.

Shepard looked around the table at his family thinking that he was lucky. Not only did he make it out of the war and not kill everyone breaking the cycle but he had something he thought he lost back when he was 16 and the slavers attacked,a family. There was Rael the oldest,Rann a girl named after Tali's aunt,and Jeff. All three of them had been babies and when adopted and no one had any idea what their names had been due to loss of records so Tali and Shepard had named them after people they cared about.

After breakfast Shepard decided that he needed to take a walk and clear his head before the interview. He looked at the house and marveled and how beautiful it and the surrounding landscape were. The house was built in the Quarian style that made good use of space with round windows and doors(lots of windows Quarians loved the sun light after so many years of living in space),Shepard had added two main Human touches. He had added a porch that went all around the house and an in ground swimming pool in the back. The view from the cliff it sat on was amazing. Plant life had returned and it was in all the colors Shepard could name and then some he could not begin to describe. It truly was a breathtaking sight and he was happy he was here to see it and that he had Tali by his side. After he had lost his family to slavers he had never thought he would have a family again but here he was and he could hear his and Tali's children getting ready for school.

Shepard's thoughts were interrupted by someone walking up behind him.

"Hello and thank you for giving me this interview I know you have not done many interviews about the war and I am greatful for this chance to talk to you about it."

"You are welcome ,I figured after eight years I owed you" he said showing a faint smile.

Emily Wong didn't look like the same happy kid who he had met all those years ago when she needed help breaking stories trying to help people. She had seen a lot in the past eight years and nearly died in the war,and yet Shepard thought he saw something of the old Emily Wong in her eyes.

"Would you mind if we had the interview out here? It is such a nice day and after spending so much time on the Citadel I like to get all the fresh air I can?"Shepard asked

"Sure,no problem" Emily Wong replied somewhat happily.

"Good" said Shepard pressing a button on his Omni-tool,"I'll just have Jeeves bring us some chairs."

A few moments latter a bright blue Geth came out of the house carrying two wooden chairs,Shepard introduced Emily to him.

"This is Jeeves,Jeeves this is Emily Wong a reporter who is a old friend of mine." Shepard said motioning from one to the other.

"It is a pressure to meet you" ,Jeeves said bowing his head.

"It's good to meet you too,Jeeve?!" Emily Wong said just barely holding back a laugh.

"Given the duties I preform here it seemed like a good name."

"Jeeves helps out around the house and looks after the place when the family and I are gone." Shepard explained as though having a Geth work for him was the most natural thing in the universe.

"You can go now Jeeves."

"Yes sir",and with that the funny blue Geth went back into the house.

"I tried to get him to knock off the sir stuff",Shepard explained somewhat sheepishly "But he read some books and decided that was the proper Human way to do things."

Shepard and Wong sat opposite each other with Wong's camera floating beside her pointing at Shepard. For the first hour or so the interview went well with Shepard talking about friends he had lost in the war,explaining why he made some of the choices he had made,and then the fact that he was proud that at the end of the war he was able to help make a new council where all the races including the Krogan,Geth,and even the Vorcha had membership and that he had taken the job as President of this new council so he could make sure it worked and the mistakes of the past would not be repeated. It was at about this time that Jeeves turned up again.

"What do you want Jeeves?" Shepard asked.

"I beg your pardon sir but I was wondering if you and the young lady would like something to drink?" Said Jeeves respectfully.

'Jeeves how many times do i have to tell you that I don't like being called sir,call me John or Shepard." Shepard said,he knew he would most likely not win this fight but he was going to try any way.

"I am sorry sir but I am afraid that just would not be proper."

"Okay have it your own way" Shepard sighed. He was just glad he had talked Jeeves out of having him wear a tie every day.

"So sir would you like a drink?"

"Yes I think some lemon aid would be good." said Shepard "Is that okay with you Emily? I don't want to risk getting tipsy for the next part of the interview,it's going to be hard enough"

"That sounds fine." Answered Emily "Thank you very much Jeeves"

"You are very welcome miss,I will return in a few moments.  
Then he left again.

"So you and Tali seem very happy here." Emily observed.

"We are,to tell you the truth I wasn't sure I would be able to settle down"

"Well I wouldn't call having to run heard on the counsel settling down" Emily said with a small laugh.

"I mean not being in the military any more." Shepard explained. "I have been in it since I lost my family and at first I didn't think it would work,but my wife has been great and now I can't imagine life any other way"

"So some people thought it was some sort of political stunt when you adopted three Quarian children three years ago,what do you say to them?"

"That they are may family and I love them." Answered Shepard somewhat warmly. For the first time the interview didn't seem like two old friends talking to each other.

"I am sorry" Emily said turning her head away because she felt a little ashamed for bringing his family into this. "I just thought you may want a chance to answer what the tabloids and some factions in the Quarian government are saying"

"It's okay,you are still a reported and you are supposed to ask questions of people like me" Shepard said with a small smile so she could see he had calmed down.

"To tell you the truth I really didn't want to adopt at the time but Tali wanted kids and this was the only way we could have them,I really didn't think I would make a good father and I wasn't sure I wanted to replace the family that I lost but now I can't imagine my life without them."

"Is it hard raising a family when you and your wife come from such different cultures?" Emily asked and then added quickly "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

"No,I don't mind" Answered Shepard leaning forward in his chair. "Yes,it was hard and Tali have had our share of fights but we love each other so we worked it out and every culture and race has their own good and bad parts."

"So you are taking the good part from each culture then?"

"Yes." Answered Shepard "For instance when the kids get older they will go off on Pilgramage."

"Wow" Said Emily shocked "Doesn't that still involve leaving the planet in a suit and then presenting the person who they want to teach them a trade with a gift?

"Yes,it does"

"So they could be gone for years and you will not know what is going on with them."

"That is right" Shepard sighed and looked as if he didn't want to think about it.

"Again,wow." Said Emily "I can't imagine letting my little girl do that,how will you cope"

"Well it is an important part of growing up for the Quarians,and I just remember that it does teach them to work hard and be good citizens"

"Still that will be one of the harder parts I guess"

"Yeah I guess it will be and I am pretty sure I will cry when the time comes"

"So are there any particular parts of earth culture you teach your kids?"

"Of course."

"Like what?"

"Well for one I teach them our history,For another I show them our films since Quarians have only been able to make them again for about two years,and little Rael is becoming quite the Baseball nut"

"Really,Baseball?" asked Emily smiling.

"Yep you should see him pitch and I showed him how to do it" bragged Shepard. "He has gotten so many of his friends into it that his school is talking about starting a little league."

"Well that sounds interesting."

"Yeah and the most interesting part is they want Tali to run the thing since she is the only adult Quarian who really understands the game and all it's rules" Shepard then through back his head and laughed and Emily joined him.

"You know?" Said Shepard as he regained his breath "When I first met Tali in that ally on the Citadel I never could have guessed that something this wonderful would happen." He continued looking serious now "People are always talking about me but she should be the one getting credit. She opened my eyes and showed me that aliens were people the same as humans,also looking through her eyes I saw the galaxy not as a place full of danger but of wonders,and there were many times when I was ready to give up but the thought of having to see her again and hear her laugh kept me going"

"Is that what happened that one day on the Citadel?" Emily asked.

Shepard sighed and looked at the ground. "I guess we had to get back to that,didn't we?"

"Well it is why I am here" She said now feeling a little bad about bringing this up when they had been having such a good time.

"And don't worry I will tell you all about it as soon as Jeeves walks up with those lemon aid" He said looking over at Jeeves who was standing just off to the side holding a silver tray with a pitcher and two glasses on it.

"Oh I am sure that is it." Said Shepard in a tone that seguested to Emily that he was half joking and didn't quite believe Jeeves. Jeeves served the Lemon aid as Shepard explained. "You see" Said Shepard grinning happy that he had something improper to talk about the always nagging Geth doing for once "If Jeeves has one failing it's that he is a bit of a gossip and tends to stand around longer then he needs to and listen at keyholes"

"Sir I beg your pardon" Said Jeeves standing up in such a way that Emily really believed he was ashamed,an ashamed Geth now that was something new. "But this house does not have any keyholes for me to listen at"

"I should should have known I could not get the best of you" said Shepard in a joking tone. "You can go now"

"Very good good sir" and with that Jeeves went off again.

"Well Emily" Shepard said turning to Emily. "Should we get down to business now?"

"Yes I think that would be a good Idea." Replied Emily not sure how to put the next part. "But first could you tell me why you have never talked about this before?"

"I don't like thinking about it" Replied Shepard looking down at his glass.

"Why not?" asked Emily with a puzzled look on her face "After all it is the day you defeated the Reapers and I would think that out of all the days of this would be the only one you would want to think about."

"I don't like think about what could have happened" Answered Shepard sadly still not raising his head. "I didn't defeat the Reapers,we all did."

"I don't understand" Emily said still looking puzzle.

Shepard now looked up at the camera. He had a look of shame on his face. "I nearly let everyone down and through our victory away after so many people had dies for it."

"What?!" Said Emily nearly falling out of her chair in shock. "How?"

"I will come clean and tell you and the galaxy about how I almost destroyed them."

He hated thinking about the end of the war but he had never talked about it before so he steeled himself and let his mind drift back,it was about time the people of the Galaxy knew what had happened on that fateful day.

Shepard stood on the platform ready to make a choice but then he thought about what Tali would say to any of these choices and if she would want any of them done to her and he was filled with pure rage and this rage gave him a strength that up until that moment he didn't know he had,he turned his fave bright red and said two simple words to the Starchild.

"FUCK YOU!" He yelled at the top of his voice.

"You must choose or everyone dies" Said the Starchild looking a bit taken aback.

"Fuck you!"Shepard said a little calmer but in a tone that showed he would not budge. "This is not what I thought the war for,I have been bringing people together for years and what gives you the right to play god and tell me and the whole galaxy that it was all pointless?! What makes you so great?!" He demanded.

"YOU MUST CHOOSE!" The Starchild was angry now. "Synthetic life and Organic life will always destroy each other,these are the only solutions to the problem."

"I don't think so." Said Shepard sternly looking the A.I right in the eye. "The Geth only defended themselves and choose peace when given free will. EDI is in love with an organic,there is no reason to think a war will come."

"It' will!" Yelled the Starchild "There is no other way!"

"I think we should all have the chance to see what happens when we are free of you."

"I can't let that happen." The Starchild was really angry now.

"I am making the choices here and I don't think you are who you say you say you are."

"What makes you say that?!" The Starchild was still angry but Shepard thought he heard a hint of fear in his voice now.

"Well for one thing if the Reapers built the Citadel why do they still use Mass relays."

"PEOPLE ARE DYING YOU MUST CHOOSE!"

"Not before I know what is going on!" "As I said the Citadel must have something more advanced then a mass effect core at it's heart for it to come to earth and yet the Reapers still use mass relays." "The Citadel must have been built by another race and the Reapers don't understand it or they would use it's tech."

"IF YOU DO NOT CHOOSE RIGHT NOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE!"

"No!,They will only die if I choose,you are nothing but a trap."

"I am your only hope and I can't let you endanger the whole galaxy!"

"Well that is just too bad because I know what you are now. Tell me why are you taking the form of a boy I saw die with out anyone around him noticing him and why has your form been haunting my dreams before you were woken up?!"

Now the Starchild had fear in his eyes. "If you do not choose now I will be forced to end you!"

"You can't do that,you are nothing but the effects of an attempt to indoctrinate me by the Reapers using my guilt to make me fall into this trap. But I am John Shepard I have killed Reapers,I destroyed the collectors,and I united the galaxy! I am stronger then you and I reject you,NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR GALAXY!"

Suddenly the Starchild was gone and a Prothean V.I stood in front of him.

"Well done Shepard,you are the first to defeat indoctrination and see the true nature of the conflict." Said the V.I. "You have shown that you understand the value of races outside of your own and that you value life above all else no matter the form" "You have shown that you can end the cycle."

"How do I stop it?"

"In every cycle before the races thought each other until only one race was left and it was too weak to defeat the Reapers. We discovered this and came up with a way to stop it. We discovered that the Reapers communicate with each other,control husks,and indoctrinated people using dark energy so we built a massive dark energy transmitter that would send a signal through ever mass relay at once. But before we could Protheans working on the project who were indoctrinated placed the trap you just avoided in it and turned the Protheans into what you called Collectors."

"That is all very interesting but what does this transmitter do,and how do I activate it?!"

"You must step into this beam."

A bright beam of purple light appeared between Shepard and the VI.

"What will it do?" Shepard asked.

"It will copy everything you know and send it to the Reapers,it will not enslave them it will simply let them understand what you understand and give them the chance to make the choice you have. They will know that the cycle does not have to go on." "You see we discovered that the Reapers use dark energy to communicate with each other,indoctrinate people,and control lifeforms like the husk" "Most Reapers themselves are slaves and do not have free will,they simply obey their programing and higher level Reapers." "This will send your brain waves through a massive burst of dark energy,using the mass relays it will cover every corner of the galaxy at once" "The indoctrinated will be free,the husks and other converted lifeforms will die,and the enslaved Reapers will have your knowledge" "They will be free to choose,just as you are" "There is a chance you will die doing this,but it is the only way I have to break the cycle." "Will you step into the beam?"

"Alright I'll do it."

With that Shepard walked into the beam,there was a bright flash and the next thing he knew he was on his back on Earth covered in dirt. He became aware of Tali sitting next to him.

"John please don't move!" She said pushing him down. "You are badly hurt."

"I have to know what is going on."

"Well from what I hear about half the Reapers across the galaxy have started fighting the other half and with our forces helping them we are winning,what does this mean?"

Shepard smiled as he thought back exhaustion. "It means the cycle is broken and now instead of finding things to fight for we can find something to live for,like that house I am going to build you." Shepard then pasted out.

"That is what happened that day as you know it took a few months for us to finish off the Reapers and then the ones who were left departed the galaxy."

"Do you think they will be back?" Wong asked.

"I don't know" answered Shepard "But I don't think that is what we should think about when we remember the war. I think what we need to remember is that the war showed us the value of one life and that every race has something to offer and no race is better then any other,we finally learned that we are better off together then apart." "Still I can not escape the fact that if it had not been for Tali I would have fallen into a trap and let the galaxy down" Shepard was now looking ashamed.

"You shouldn't think about the the what ifs like that" Emily said looking him straight in the eye. "The fact is she was there because you took a Quarian on your ship when everyone told you it was a bad idea and you fell in love with her when you thought you may never see her face." "Look you have enough problems with out the what ifs,life is too short for them." "You have a family to live for so instead of thinking about the what ifs you should be enjoying your life with them and letting them enjoy their life with you,that is all that matters." "Live with what is instead of what could have been."

"You know" said Shepard looking up. "I knew there was a reason you are the only reporter I ever liked talking to,you are smart and you care what happens to people." "You are right of course we all need to stop living in the war and remember that it is in the past and instead think about what we have to live for." "Thank you for helping me see that"

"Hey I figure I still owe you after all the times you helped me" Emily said with a small smile.

If Jeeves could smile he would be right now. He had just learned something he had always wanted to know. He had of course been behind a bush the whole time and heard every word Shepard had said.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The first sensation Shepard became aware of was a slight burning that he felt over his inter body. He then became aware of being very groggy and the fact that his eyes were having trouble opening. He figured out that he must be on heavy pain killers,and that the burning would be a lot worse with out them. He dimly became aware of a light in the room somewhere above his head. He tried to move but found he couldn't. He didn't know if this was because of how badly he was hurt or if he was tied down to the bed. He couldn't feel much if anything at that moment.

Slowly he was able to open his eyes,it felt like it took him hours. The dull burning and a stiffness in all his joints were the only things he could feel. The source of the light came into focus. It was a small light hanging from the ceiling.. It's glow filled the room. The ceiling looked clean but it had a few minor cracks in it and had clearly seen better days. Shepard wondered where he was.

Shepard still could not move his head so instead he tried to remember what had happened to him. _"There had been a war right? Of course there had been." _He could not have dreamed up the nightmares he had seen in the past few years. _"The Reapers!" _He had been part of one last desperate push to defeat them. _"blood!" _He had been hit and was covered with a mixture of his own blood and that of everyone who had charged towards the beam with him. _"The Citadel." _He had made it and he had limped through the piles of dead bodies and to a control room. _"The Illusive Man! The Bastard was there! Wasn't someone else there too? Anderson!" _The man who had showed Shepard what it meant to command men in battle and to put the good of the galaxy ahead of yourself. Anderson was the man who trusted him even when he joined Cerberus. When People like Ashley stopped believe in him,Anderson trusted him with his life and trusted him to do the right thing.

"_What had happened to Anderson? Oh God,no! I murdered him!" _Shepard wanted to cry but found that he could not. He know became aware of a dryness in his throat and the greatest thirst he had ever known. He tried to call out to anyone who may have been in the room but his throat was just too dry. He was unable to speak and unable to cry so he went back to trying to remember what had happened.

The Illusive Man had taken over his body and forced him to kill the one person who had always trusted him. The he had finally gotten control of his own body and put the bastard down like the rabid dog he was. After that he had been ready to die. _"I did something to the reapers and then was ready to die with my friend. Why didn't I give up? Tali!" _The last time he had seen her she had been so badly hurt the Normandy had picked her up. She had pleaded with him to let her stay but he had forced her onto the ship. Was she alive or dead now? Was he alive or dead now? Was he in Hell? After all the people he had killed including Anderson he didn't see how he could get into haven.

He had to know where he was. With great effort he moved his head and got a look around the room. As his eyes adjusted to the light he took in every detail he could. The room was was clean but there were cracks in the white walls. There were a few tables with some monitors and other objects on them against both of the side walls. They seemed to be monitoring him. One of the machines beeped every time he felt his heart beat. He then looked down at his right arm. There was a some tube inserted into it that ran to an IV bag that hung about a foot above his head. He must be in a hospital or one of the few buildings left standing on earth that had been turned into a hospital. He then became aware of the fact that the reason he could not move his limbs was that they were tied down. The doctors must have been afraid that if he moved he would hurt himself. That lead to only one conclusion,he was alive. He didn't think hell would need all these machines to keep him or anyone else alive.

This still didn't answer the really important question. "_Where was Tali? Was she alive?" _Shepard began looking around desperately for another person. He needed to talk to someone,anyone. Find out what had happened to Tali after the Normandy had taken her. He seemed to remember seeing her face after he escaped some sort of Reaper trap but he couldn't tell if that was a dream or if it had really happened. He continued to strain his head and finally the other side of the room came into view. There was an old style wooden door on hinges,so this building must have been old. Suddenly a feeling of great relief swept over Shepard. There slumped over to the right of the door,her back against the wall and her head on her breasts was Tali. She was in a dirty suit and she was snoring but she was alive!

Shepard felt sleep begin to overtake him and he began to drift off. There was so much that he wanted to know,so many things he wanted to say to Tali but he knew she was alive and for the moment that allowed him to drift off into a peaceful sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The Next time Shepard woke up the first thing he saw was Tali's masked face. It was only there for a second before it went rushing off and Shepard heard the door open and Tali yell into the hall. "Doctor! Someone come quick,he's awake!"

A few minutes latter a tall,fat,blonde haired,British doctor who only gave his name as Colin entered the room and spent what seemed like forever preforming tests on Shepard. He checked everything from Shepard's eyesight to his reflexes,and kept asking Shepard how much pain he was in. Colin was somewhat rude and wouldn't let Tali get a word in but he seemed dedicated to his job,if a little single minded about doing it. He also seemed a little full of himself,he kept mentioning that if Shepard had been under the care of anyone else he would be dead right now. He became very cross with Shepard and yelled at him when Shepard lied about his levels of pain because he was afraid the doctor would up his dosage of meds and put him under again. Finally after what felt like two years to Shepard he placed a jug of water and a cup on the small table next to Shepard's bed and left the room complaining to himself the whole time about Shepard.

Tali let out a sigh and turned to Shepard. "He is one of the best. He is not as bad as he first seems,he is really very nice if you give him a chance."

Shepard took a gulp of water before replying. "I hope I will not be here long enough to give him a chance."

"Don't ever do that again!" Tali said her voice a mixture of anger and sadness. "Don't ever go on a mission like that and leave me behind again,we are in this together no matter what happens!"

"I'm sorry." Shepard said looking up at her,he could tell his leaving her behind had hurt her deeply. "I couldn't have done it with you there,I needed to know you were alright."

"Did it ever cross your mind that I might need to know that you were alright?" Tali demanded crossly. "Did it ever cross your stupid mind that that losing you or worse not knowing what happened to you would kill me?!"

"I am really sorry." Shepard didn't know how to make this right but he moved ahead. "It's just when I saw what we were up against I just couldn't stand to see you facing it too." Shepard's eyes began to tear up. "When that one blast hit and for a second I thought I had let you to your death I almost gave up and fell to the ground right there. That was when I knew I needed you safe. I needed you alive to come back to if I was going to make it out alive. I am so sorry I hurt you Tali,I just couldn't face watching you die."

"Well alright." Tali said her voice softening and she took a seat in a folding chair to Shepard's right and took his right hand in her's. "But never again you understand. From now on whatever happens we face it together,agreed?"

"You drive a hard deal but agreed 'ah." Shepard said with a small smile. "I guess this means I will get to build you that house after all."

"Yeah I am not letting you out of our deal that easily,but we can talk about that latter." Tali said with a quiet smile. "What I really want to know is what happened to you up there."

Shepard's face became grim and he took a breath before answering. "Would you mind if we talked about that latter?" He asked.

"John please don't shut me out." Tali pleaded.

"I'm not it's just that I only remember bits and pieces right now and I need time to think before I will be ready to talk about it. Please understand. I will talk about it but not right now."

"Okay I understand." Tali said after thinking for a moment. "Is there anything you would like to know?"

"How long was I out?" Shepard asked. He really had no way of even guessing so this was foremost on his mind.

"About two and a half months." Tali answered. She then saw the shock and confusion on Shepard's face and calmly explained. "The doctors had to put you in a drug induced coma to give your body a chance to heal. They had to cut your suit off of your body and after that you didn't have much skin left.

"Ouch,Now I am kind of glad I wasn't awake for that." Shepard said with a sad smile.

"I have been here the whole time." Tali said answering Shepard's next question before he could ask it.

"You didn't have to do that. I would have understood if you needed to go and help your people,two and half months is a long time."

"Would you have left me if I were here?" Tali asked sternly.

"No of course not." Shepard answered before thinking.

"Then don't expect me to do any less then you would. We didn't know for along time if you were going to live,you can't expect me to go off across the galaxy and leave you here like this." Tali explained.

"Sorry." Shepard said. He really was not starting out on the right foot here. He could see it was going to take time for Tali and him to get back in sync the way they had been the last time he was awake. "Have you at least been taking care of yourself?" Shepard asked finally.

"Oh yes." Tali answer with a slight laugh. "You have no idea. Once people figured out who I was to you they would not leave me alone making sure I was eating right and as comfortable as they could make me. I have never been treated this well in my whole life. The Extranet is calling you the biggest hero in human history and that has led to people not giving me a second to myself."

"Oh great that means at some point I will have to deal with the press." Shepard said with a grown. "I hate being a hero."

"Well don't worry Garrus and Grunt have been here to making sure the press stays away from us."

"Well that is good to know,can't see the press getting passed a Turian sniper and a Krogan."

"Gurrus tried to do it on his own for the first couple of days but a couple of reporters got passed him and got some video of me and you in here. A day and a half latter Grunt was here as well. Within minutes he had smashed three cameras and sent about half a dozen reporters running for cover." Tali explained with a laugh.

Shepard laughed to. He was glad that he was able to,he had wondered if he would ever laugh again after the war. "Good for him." Shepard said at last catching his breath.

"Oh and Joker says to tell you to get well soon because the Normandy's cargo bay can't hold any more flowers or get well cards." Tali added quickly.

"You would think with the Earth being half destroyed people wouldn't be able to send that stuff." Shepard observed.

"Yeah but it has been coming in from all over the galaxy. Another downside of saving everyone who is alive today I guess." Tali said.

A shadow passed over Shepard's face as he said his next words. "I didn't save them all,I wish I could have but a lot of people died." The shadow then went away as Shepard could tell he was upsetting Tali and he asked his next question cheerfully. "So where am I exactly?"

"You are in some old building in London that they converted into a hospital. There were not many buildings left standing and most of those with four walls are used as hospitals." Tali explained.

"I see." Shepard said taking it in" "Tell me what has been happening while I was asleep?"

"Well there really is too much to tell you in one sitting."

"Then just give me the short version."

"Okay." Tali said taking a breath,the short version. "Most of the Reapers stopped attacking us for some reason and turned on the other Reapers. Because of that combat moved to space after a couple of weeks." Shepard nodded,indicating that he was following along. "A few weeks ago we got word that the last Reaper ground forces had been wiped out and it looks like the few remaining reapers are cornered. Between the fleet you put together and the Reapers who are now on our side the bad Reapers have not really stood a chance and it has been more clean up then a real war for the past month. Things are starting to be rebuilt but it is slow work,it's going to be years before the galaxy recovers." Tali finally stopped and gave Shepard a chance to think about what she had said and to take it all in.

"I see." he said at last. "So people are getting their lives back."

"Oh yes,John you may not feel like it right now but you did good. We could have lost everything but now people have a chance to put things back together." Tali said taking his hand in her's and looking Shepard in the eyes.

"I just wonder if what they build will be better or worse then what came before." Shepard responded.

"Well we will just have to make sure it is better." Tali said and Shepard could tell she was smiling behind the mask.

"Tali I want to tell you something." Shepard said after a few minutes. He looked her in the eyes and he began to tear up a little. "I would not have been able to do any of this without you,i want you to know that."

"Oh don't be silly,you would have gotten it done somehow. I know you and you would not have let everyone down." Tail responded.

"Please let me finish." Shepard said holding up his hand. "You don't know how many times I nearly gave up but the thought of you kept me going. Even on that last push the only reason I didn't lay down and die was because of you. You pulled me out of depression and set an example for me of someone who doesn't give up when the good of her people was at stake. You risked your life to be with me and I am forever grateful for that." It was Tali who was tearing up now. "We have been through so much and now I know I will not be able to go on with out you. I know you kind of answered this question before but I need to ask you properly. Tali will you marry me?" Shepard asked.

"Ke'lah I thought you were never going to finish talking. Yes of course." Tali answered and she then took off her face mask and kissed Shepard on the lips. She then put it back on.

"Wow,I can't wait to get out of here so we can do that again,but wouldn't you get sick? This room is not sealed off and the air isn't filtered." Shepard responded.

"It was totally worth it." Tali said.

"That's good to know,and a huge ego boost." Shepard said with a deep yawn.

"Go back to sleep John." Tali said stroking his hand. "I will still be here when you wake up."

A few minutes later Shepard drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next morning the doctor let Shepard get up and start to walk around the room a little. Shepard was a little unsteady on his feet and sometimes needed Tali's help to keep from falling but just being awake and going to the bathroom himself made Shepard feel a lot better and his spirits picked up a little. He knew he needed to talk to Tali about what had happened on the Citadel but he decided to put it off. He knew thinking about it would only make him gloomy and at the moment he didn't want to spoil the almost cheerful mood he was in,so he pushed the issue to the back burning of his mind.

It was just as Shepard was getting back into bed after his first trip to the bathroom that he told Tali to go get something to eat and get some sleep,she didn't want to at first but Shepard insisted. As Tali left the room Garrus entered and sat down in a small folding chair on Shepard's left hand side.

"So I see you finally decided to get out of bed. I guess you needed some sleep after taking out the Reapers but isn't two months pushing it just a little?!" Garrus said with a smile.

"It's good to see you too,Garrus." Shepard said looking at his old friend. "How have things been?"

"About as good as you could expect given everything that has happened." Garrus answered with a sigh.

"That bad." Shepard said grimly.

"Well it could be a lot worse. They have finally gotten most of the bodies taken care of but from what I can tell most cities still have the stink of death around them. It's going to be years before things get back to normal,but at least we have a chance to get them back to normal." Garrus said with a grim smile.

"Yeah I guess this doesn't feel much like a victory. There can't be a single person who didn't lose a friend or loved one. Do you have any idea what is happening on Palavon?" Shepard asked.

"From what I can tell from the few reports we have had it looks about the same as Earth. We were hit bad but it doesn't look like anyone had it as bad as the Asari." Garrus answered.

"Did anyone on Thessia survive?" Shepard asked in a hushed tone.

"Well I have not heard much but it seems that about a third of their population survived but pretty much everything was destroyed. The last report I heard was that starvation has become the main problem,that is how bad it has gotten."

"Isn't the rest of the galaxy helping?" Shepard exclaimed in shock.

"Of course they are but most worlds are in pretty bad shape even if they are not as bad off. What's more everyone lost a lot of ships and we are still fighting the last of the Reapers and with the Mass Relays damaged there is not a lot anyone can do right now." Garrus explained.

Shepard hung his head. "The oldest and most advanced race in the galaxy is starving to death. It should not have come to this in the first place."

"Don't blame yourself. You did everything you could but the fact is no one was prepared because no one listened to you. What happened to Thessia is not your fault."

"Who says I am blaming myself?" Shepard asked.

"I do. I have known you too long to not know when you are blaming yourself for something. You want to know what your trouble is?" Garrus responded.

"I have a feeling you are going to tell me even if I say no,so why don't you just tell me." Shepard said with a weak smile.

"Your problem is that you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong but you never take any credit for what goes right." At this point Shepard tried to interrupt but Garrus didn't let him. "Let me finish. The fact is that yes Thessia is in bad shape right now but they will rebuild and you are the reason they have a chance to do that. I have seen this war take it's toll on you and I know it's not going to get better over night but you owe it to Tali to not go around looking for reasons to get depressed. If you really are going to spend the rest of your life with her don't you think she deserves someone who is happy?"

Shepard thought about this for a moment before he spoke. "Well there goes my plan to keep this quiet for a while,I see she is telling everyone." He said with a small smile.

Garrus gave Shepard a hard look out of the corner of his eye. "Really you expected her to keep it to herself?" Garrus said in disbelief. "The poor girl has had what I think you Humans call a crush on you since you two first met on the Citadel and I don't care what you say I think she could tell that you had one on her too. She waited three years,two of which she thought you were dead for you to finally make a move and now you expect her keep the news to herself."

"I guess it was a stupid idea." Shepard admitted.

"You're damn right it was." Garrus said forcefully. "Honestly it's amazing to me that you Humans ever manage to reproduce at all if the way you went after Tali is how you go after your mates. It took dying for you to finally get off your ass and do something."

Shepard laughed at this. "Yeah I guess you are right. I am lucky,most people don't get a chance to fix a mistake like that." Shepard admitted.

"Yeah I am pretty sure you are the only one who has ever gotten the chance to come back from the dead and finally tell a woman that he loves her." Garrus said. "That brings me back to my main point you have been through hell and Tali went with you. Now you two deserve to enjoy the peace you have earned. If you don't do it for yourself do it for Tali. Don't let the past ruin her future,that just wouldn't be right."

"You are right Garrus,Don't worry I am not going to let the past ruin my future." Shepard replied at last. "Thanks. I needed someone to give me that kick in the ass."

"Well what are friends for." Garrus replied with a small smile.

Suddenly off in the distance there were ten loud bangs and Garrus looked around confused for a moment.

"What the hell was that?!" He said more to himself then Shepard.

"Well I am no expert but it sounded like Big Ben to me,they must have got it working."

"Big Ben?" Garrus asked confused.

"Yeah it's a really old really large clock that chimes each hour." Shepard explained.

"There was something on the extranet about a clock or something being repaired and coming back on today." Garrus said thoughtfully. "Seems strange to me that with all the modern tech you have and all the other problems this city and planet have right now that you would put so much work into fixing an old broken clock."

"Well it gives people hope." Shepard said after thinking for a minute. "It shows that there were some things that the Reapers couldn't destroy and that things are getting back to normal."

"If normal is having a giant clock ringing loudly every hour then I think I liked this city better when it wasn't normal." Garrus said.

"Well it has been there for more then three hundred years and the British tend to hold onto old things so don't expect them to change things for you any time soon." Shepard said with a laugh.

"Can't wait for you to get out of here." Garrus said changing the subject. "Joker has been planing a end of war party for the crew but he insisted that we couldn't have it until you were out of here and it sounds like it will be the party to end all parties. So get out of here soon."

"I'll do my best" Shepard replied and then he brought up a menu on his Omni-Tool. "in the mean time I bet I can kick your ass at Mario Kart."

"I don't know what that is." Garrus said as he opened his Omni-Tool. "But bring it on. I already proved I was the better shot back on the Citadel."


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Tali woke up in her small hotel room she eat and then decided to find a public com terminal and see if she could get in touch with her aunt Raan. Tali had not spoken to the woman she called aunty for weeks. Tali wanted the older woman who was the closest thing she had to family now to be among the first who heard her good news. It still seemed a little unreal to Tali. Not so much the fact that she and Shepard were going to spend the rest of their lives together,she knew him well enough to see that coming a light year away but the war being over.

Tali walked through the streets of London thinking how strange everything was. The city was still mostly destroyed but there were no explosions or gunshots to be heard. Tali had to fight the instinct to dock for cover behind each piece of rubble and then to run to the next as she would have done if this city were still a combat zone. She felt like a fool,the war had left Earth two months ago so why couldn't she stop reacting as if she were still in danger. She should be enjoying this time,she should be happy but instead she was living in fear. It was like the war had never ended. She was a grown woman and should be able to control herself,but instead when ever she heard a loud bang from one of the many construction sites in the city she either ducked for cover or had to fight the urge to do so.

Had the war broken her? Was she ever going to be alright? Would she be a wreck for the rest of her life? If she was broken then what right did she have to marry Shepard? He didn't need to be dragged down with her. She knew now more then ever that she needed to talk to some one. She picked up he pace when she spotted a public com unit on the street corner. She took a position at the end of the long line that had formed outside the com unit.

Getting messages off world was now one of the harder things to do. Not many transmitters had survived and clearing away bodies and restoring power and water came before fixing them. Add to that the fact that most people in this city had family off world and that meant long lines. It was strange but standing in the middle of a crowd of aliens on an alien planet was the first time Tali had felt at home in a long time. Growing up in a ship in the Quarian fleet meant that there were always crowds around. Tali was used to crowds and noise. After so many people had died on Earth there simply wasn't much of either on the planet any more. That line was the first place that was crowded enough for her to feel normal and at home. She thought about this for a moment before she started thinking about the fact that the Quarians now had their own home world now. That was what she had always wanted but now it dawned on her that with only about eight teen million people spread out over an inter planet,her new home was going to feel more empty even then earth. Would she be able to get use to that,or would being so alone drive her mad?

Tali was so lost in her own thoughts that at first she didn't noticed that the Human woman behind her was tapping her shoulder. At last Tali turned around and saw a girl she did not know standing behind her. The girls looked like she was maybe 15,her clothes were a little dirty and she was shorter then Tali by about half a foot.

"Excuse me." The girl said politely. "But you are a Quarian right?"

"Yes." Tali said evenly. She knew where this always went. Someone would tell her what they thought of the Quarians for letting the Geth loose on the galaxy and she would be called "Suit Rat". There would be a big fight with lots of yelling then she would storm off. Or on most days she would storm off,today she was determined to speak with her aunt and she was not going to give up her place in line just because of what some Human girl said.

"You're fleet came to help save Earth right?" The girls asked. Tali was not ready for this,she had not expected anything but insults from the girl.

"Yes we did." Tali answered not sure where this was going.

"Well I just wanted to say thank you for helping stop those Reaper things." The girl continued looking up at Tali. "If you and the others had not come I don't think I or anyone else would be alive today. This isn't your planet so you didn't have to come and I guess a lot of your people died taking earth back. I just want you to know that I and a lot of other people are never going to forget what you did for us. I guess this sounds kind of silly to someone like you,sorry to have bothered you." The girl said meekly and began to turn away.

"Wait." Tali said. "It doesn't sound silly at all. You are welcome. I know how you feel because a human helped take back my home world. We all stood together to stop the Reapers. I am glad to see some people are still okay."

"Well then good." The girl said with a weak smile and she walked off. Tali didn't even get her name. It was a strange event but that girl had told Tali just what she needed to hear at the moment. Finally it was Tali's turn in the com booth. She walked in,closed the door behind her,gave the computer instructions to find her aunt Raan,and then waited for the monitor to come to life. A few seconds latter the face mask of Tali's beloved Aunt appeared on the screen.

"Tali!" The older woman said with surprise and joy in her voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" She asked.

"I just wanted to check in and see how things were going on Rannoch." Tali said lightly.

"Things are going about as well as could be expected I guess." Raan said evenly. "We have been converting ships into houses and thanks to the Geth downloading themselves into suits the first of our people are being able to walk around without suits on Rannoch. Not that I would ever let a Geth near my suit." Raan added quickly.

"I wouldn't either." Tali said with a shake of her head. "I have had enough of the Geth to last me a life time."

"Same here but I can't deny that they are helping. Still they are Geth so I will be keeping an eye on them." Raan replied.

"So is anything else going on?" Tali asked.

"Well it looks like the Geth are trying to form some sort of government for themselves. We still have not figured out how we are going to share the planet with them. If the Counsel is ever brought back together I guess it would be up to them to help sort those problems out." Raan said.

"I see." Tali said thoughtfully. "I guess we will have to work out those problems on our own,it doesn't look like the Counsel will be coming back any time soon. Even if it does I don't think they will have the power to enforce any of their rulings."

"Yeah,we never really listened to them any way." Raan noted. "We need to figure out what form of government we are going to have before we can deal with anyone else."

"What do you mean? I thought that once we were on Rannoch we would return to civilian rule." Tali asked with great concern.

"Yes that is the way it was supposed to work but the Admirals have been in power for three hundred years and some of them don't want to give it up so quickly. Then there are people who feel safer under military rule since the Geth are on Rannoch with us. So it's not clear yet what is going to happened." Raan Answered. Then the older woman changed her tone and spoke lightly. "Well we have spent enough time talking about my troubles and news,you must have some news of your own child."

"Well Shepard is up and walking around a little. He is feeling okay but I am a little worried about him. I think something may have happened when he was up on the Citadel that he doesn't want to talk about." Tali said. She wasn't sure how to broach the next subject so she had put it off.

"Well I think I can understand that." Raan said after a few moments of thought. "Remember that to him all that happened just a few days ago. It may just take him some time to be ready to talk about it. No one comes out of a war with out scares. How are you doing?"

"I am okay." Tali lied

"Really,there is nothing wrong?" The older woman asked.

"Okay I'm a wreck." Tali admitted breaking down. "I am jumping every time there is a loud noise,I have nightmares,and I have to fight the urge to dive for cover every time I walk down the street. To tell you the truth I am afraid the war may have broken me."

"Oh child the war didn't break you." Raan said in a comforting tone.

"How do you know?" Tali asked through the tears.

"Because you are too strong for that and because I am going through the same thing. I think everyone is." the older woman answered. "I am doing better today then I was yesterday and I am doing a hell of a lot better then I was a couple months ago. I am sure the same is true for you,isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess you are right." Tali said after a few moments.

"We have all been through a lot and it is going to take some time to adjust to not being in danger all the time but we will adjust. You went into battle against a Reaper you can beat this." Raan said.

"Yeah I guess you are right." Tali said smiling to herself. Then she noticed the timer for her call. It only had a minute left on it so she had to talk quickly. "Look Aunty Raan my time is almost up but there is something I need to tell you and I don't know how you or our people will react. Shepard has asked me to marry him and I said yes."

After a few seconds of quiet Raan finally spoke. "Some of our people will not like the idea of someone as important as you marrying a Human who you can not have children with. Our population needs to grow fast." This caused Tali's head to fall,she had never let down her people before and she hated to hear that she would be letting them down if she did the one thing she wanted to do more then anything in her life. Then Raan continued. "I say screw those fools. I knew there was something between you and Shepard ever since we met at your trial. We were fighting for freedom and you two have the right to be Happy. I am very happy for you child." Raan said.

"Thank you aunty." Tali said softly and then the screen went blank.

Tali walked out of the booth with her spirits much higher then when she entered. She looked around the city and instead of all the destruction she focused on the clear blue sky with puffy white clouds and bright sunshine. It really was a nice day after all.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next day a group of what was left of the alliance top brass showed up early to debrief Shepard on what had happened on the Citadel. They were particularly interested in what had happened to Anderson. Tali was not allowed inside this meeting despite Shepard's protests so she stayed outside the room in the hall chatting with Grunt and Garrus for the three or so hours it took Shepard to finish his meeting. Garrus kept complaining about losing some game or other to Shepard the day before. It seemed he couldn't make sense of why in a racing simulation players would be firing something called blue turtle shells at each other. For as little sense as any of this made or how little it mattered Tali was glad for the distraction. She was worried about Shepard.

She knew this meeting would not be easy for him. First there was the fact that he had to recount events to these people that had caused him such pain he had so far been unable to tell even Tali about them. Second he had let her know that he intended to resign at the end of this meeting. This would be the last piece of business he needed to clear up as a commander of the System's Alliance Navy and he felt the time was right. He had told Tali he didn't want to go into combat any more,the war had cured him of any desire to see more death if he had ever had it in the first place,he wanted to live out the rest of his life in peace. Still this would not be easy because it would not be a popular move at a time like this when few officers were left and it meant leaving behind the one thing that had given his life structure since he had lost his family as a teenager. He had joined the military right after that and now he would be free with no idea as to what to do with himself. He would go crazy with nothing to do but he knew that his days of fighting were over. Tali knew that all these facts would make this meeting very hard for him and she wished she could be inside with him. Still it was no use getting upset over something she could not change so she instead focused on her talks with Grunt and Garrus.

"So Shepard is really leaving the Alliance?" Grunt asked and there was no hiding the hint of disdain in his voice.

"Yes,he said that final push to free Earth was it for him." Tali replied simply.

"Well that is a mistake." Grunt said somewhat forcefully. "People are what they are and Shepard is a warrior. He was meant to fight. He will never find anything else he is as good at."

"Humans aren't like Krogan,they only have so much fight in them." Garrus observed quietly.

"Shepard is not most Humans." Was the only reply Grunt made turning his head away.

"That is one thing we can agree on." Tali said looking up at her friend. It was funny that she would think of Grunt as an old friend when in real terms he was only a few years old and she had not really trusted him when Shepard first opened his tank,but they had been through too much together for her to think of him as anything else. Even if she still couldn't understand his thinking she at least tried to respect it. Shepard was Grunt's battle master and the person who had taught him to use his tank bred combat training for good and Grunt was having trouble coming to terms with the idea of Shepard not fighting along side him any more.

"Well some people are just born fighters. Shepard is one of them,he will die of boredom if he stops protecting these weaker then him. It was what he was meant to do." Grunt said defiantly a few seconds latter.

"Well maybe it is time for him to find something else he is good at. Not everyone has to kill all the time!" Tali said bringing her arms across her chest. She then turned away from Grunt and walked away and just stood in front of the door to Shepard's rooms room. Grunt was about to say something but Garrus put out his hand stopping him. Garrus could tell when Tali had had enough. Grunt just grumbled something to himself and walked a few steps down the hall in the other direction.

A few minutes latter the big brass began exiting Shepard's room. They all had the look of stunned men who couldn't quite believe something they had been told on their faces.

"What did Shepard tell them?" Garrus asked more himself then Tali. "They look like they have seen a ghost."

"I have no idea. He hasn't told me what happened yet." Tali answered in a tone of quiet worry.

Garrus walked up behind Tali and began to speak in a hushed tone of voice. "You should go in. I have a feeling he will need you now."

"I know." Tali replied swallowing hard. She was gathering up her courage. She knew it was foolish but she was afraid. She had never been good when it came to interacting with people and she had no idea how Shepard would be feeling at that moment. She had no was to predict what would happen when she walked through that door and that made things worse. Part of her wanted to run as far away as she could and the other part just wanted to get the talk that was coming over with. Neither side was able to win right away so she stood there frozen in place with her hands twitching unable to run away and unable to bring herself to reach for the door nob.

"Go on it's not like he is going to shoot you." Garrus said somewhere behind her. Tali couldn't bring herself to turn around and look at him because she was afraid that if she did she would find herself running away. "If he does shoot you Grunt and I are right out here. You will be okay."

Tali smiled at that to herself and then finally reached for the door nob and turned it. The hinges on the old door creaked as Tali opened it and took a step forward into the room. She closed the door behind her before looking up and across the room. She saw Shepard sitting up in bed looking intently at a small pile of papers with a look on his face that she couldn't quiet pin down. The only thing she was sure of was that he was far from being as cheerful as he had been the day before.

"Hey." She said quietly as she closed the distance between them and took her seat in the small folding chair on the right hand side of his bed.

"Hey." He answered with out bothering to look up from the papers.

"So what are those?" Tali asked. She knew what they were but it seemed the best way to break the ice,what was on them seemed to be weighing Shepard down like he had a huge pack on his back.

"These are them." Was all he said with out looking up.

"Your discharge papers?" Tali asked in a hushed tone. She knew leaving the military would be a big step but she hadn't expected it to have this effect on Shepard. Suddenly she felt guilty for being so happy about his leaving. Was it really what he wanted to do? Or had she used her power over him to forcing him to give up doing what he loved? Was Grunt right had she just selfishly wrecked him with out thinking about anyone but herself? Because of these thoughts and others passing through her head she couldn't bring herself to speak to him right away. She just looked down at the floor and tried to figure out what she should say.

"I'm sorry I made you give it up." Tali said at last not being able to look at Shepard after what she had done.

"What?!" Shepard responded with shock registering in his voice and looking up from the papers at last. "That isn't what I meant. You didn't force me to do anything. I just can't go on in the military. Even if I had never met you I would still be leaving and yes it is going to take me a while to get used to not being a commander any more but you didn't force me to do anything." Shepard explained.

"Okay." Was all Tali said in response but she did at least look up at Shepard.

"Also the debriefing forced me to think about some bad memories so I am a little down from that too." Shepard continued to explain.

"What did happen up there?" Tali asked a few moments latter.

"I can't tell you." Shepard answered with a sharpness that startled even him. He had not meant to be that forceful but somehow it had just come out that way.

"You can't tell me but you can tell a group of total strangers?!" Tali challenged.

"You can't understand what I went through,no one can!" Shepard said turning away from her.

"You think you are the only one who went through pain in this war?" Tali asked raising her voice. "I lost my father,for two years I thought I lost you,and I had to stand by waiting listening to a radio to find out if my people would live or die. Hell I had to trust the traditional enemy of my people because you didn't give me any other choice and some of my people still think of me as a traitor because I followed you. You don't think that is painful. If I haven't earned your trust by now when will I?" Tali demanded.

"You really want to know what happened up there because once you do nothing will be the same?" Shepard responded glaring at her.

"If this is going to work I think I had better know what it is you are so afraid to tell me,yes." Tali answered.

"Fine I murdered Anderson!" Shepard yelled and then turned away from Tali. Tali just sat there stunned. She could not have heard that right,there was no way "her" Shepard could have done what he just admitted to. There had to be more to the story unless the man in front of her was no longer "her" Shepard. She needed details but she could not bring herself to ask for them. She was in too much of a state of shock.

"You heard me right." Shepard continued calmly,he seemed to know what Tali was thinking. "I murdered the man who not only trained,and trusted me but was the closest thing I had to a father after losing my family. You think of my as some hero but I am not,I am just a weak killer who keeps getting lucky. That is what I figured out while talking to the brass."

Seeing Shepard so down on himself and so completely destroyed broke Tali's heart. That combined with how angry she was at him for not trusting her caused her to start crying. "I don't believe you." She said between the tears. This got Shepard's attention and he looked up at her at last. His face was covered with guilt. He felt it both for what had happened to Anderson and for breaking Tali the way he did. He found himself wondering if staying with her would just cause her more pain. "_Should I just break it off here and now for her own good?"_ He thought to himself for a moment. It took him a few minutes but he decided that would do more harm then good. Maybe he was just looking for a way to punish himself,he didn't know.

Tali spoke up again. "There must be more to this story,please tell me what happened. I can't just stand by and let it destroy you John." The use of his first name broke him. Tali was really the only one who used his first name on a day to day basis,he was Shepard to the rest of the world and it was a sign of how close he had let her get. He had to fix things but to do that he had to get a clear head. He fought back the guilt and his own tears and decided on a course of action. Oddly enough it was based on some advice Anderson had once given him. Even dead the older man continued to teach and help Shepard.

"I will tell you,but not here,I think we both need to clear our heads and get out of here." Shepard said calmly.

"But the doctors will not let you leave." Tali observed.

"Screw them. I lived through the Reapers I can live through leaving this hospital. We are leaving now. We need to have a talk." Shepard responded with determination showing in his voice.

What was how about an hour latter Tali found herself flying in a car with Shepard despite the doctor's protests to a part of earth she had never seen before.

The car landed and Shepard lead her with out a word up a long,winding,old road to the top of a high hill. They looked out over the mostly deserted land that stretched out below them. It was mostly empty and cold and besides the odd sign here and there seemed to have been mostly untouched by the reapers. In fact besides the sounds of the odd animals and an old stone wall or house it seemed to have been mostly untouched by Human's as well. It was damp,cold,and think fog clung to the ground and hills. To Tali it seemed completely alien and a little scary but she noticed that it seemed to have a calming effect on Shepard. She carefully reached out and for the first time Shepard took her hand in his. He didn't look at her but kept looking out across the landscape.

"I guess this doesn't seem like much to you but we came here because Anderson once told me that if I ever needed to center myself or remind myself of what I was fighting for this is where I should go." Shepard said in a hushed tone that was just above a whisper. Tali didn't say anything instead she just gave Shepard's hand a squeeze to let him know she was there for him and waited for him to continue. At last after a few minutes Shepard did. "I never thought I would need it before but now I see why he told me that,it reminds me of the farmland I grew up on before everything went wrong." Shepard explained. "I just want you to know Tali that despite everything that has gone wrong since then you are the one thing I see as going right. I don't regret us,I am just hitting some hard times now. If you can find it in your heart not to give up on me then I will not push you away. I can't promise things will be perfect but I will work hard to see that they get better."

"I don't need perfect,but I do need you to not shut me out. What happened on the Citadel?" Tali asked in a whisper.

"Okay I will tell you but it is not an easy story." Shepard said gravely and then he began to tall her the whole story about how he had been indoctrinated,and how he had almost fallen into a Reaper trap,he then told her that it was because of what he learned that the Reapers had turned on each other. He told her everything but the worst part. At last he stopped talking and after taking a few minutes to take it all in slowly and carefully Tali spoke. "This all makes you a hero I don't understand why you are so angry with yourself or why you say you murdered Anderson."

"Because I have not told you the worst part." Shepard explained and he then looked away from Tali and a look of deep shame pasted over his face. ""You know how I told you The Illusive Man was there."

"Yes." Tali answered. Tali didn't like where this was headed,anything that involved that bastard could not be good.

"Somehow he was able to take over my body using his Reaper implants and he used me to kill Anderson. I just stood there and fired two shots into the man who trusted me more then anyone else. I murdered Anderson!" Shepard said and a single tear began to fall down his face.

Tali took Shepard's face in both her hands and forced him to look at her. "I am so sorry you had to go through that." She said not sure what else to say. "You have to know that it was the Illusive man's doing and not yours. You couldn't have stopped that."

"Couldn't I?!" Shepard demanded with some anger showing in his voice. "A minute later I broke the Illusive Man's hold and and shot him. What does it say about me that I had the will power to break the control to kill someone but not to stop myself from murdering a friend."

"It says you are Human and not a god that is all!" Tali said forcefully. Shepard tried to speak but she didn't let him. "Listen to me Anderson contacted me just before the battle for earth he said that he knew about us and that if we made it through the war I wasn't to let you destroy your life with guilt. He said that he knew you and that anything that went wrong would be the Reapers thought and not yours,but that you would let the guilt destroy you if someone didn't stop you."

Shepard looked up at Tali unable to say anything. Tali then continued. "His last wish was for you to get on with your life and be happy. I know you so I know you did everything you could John,I also know that Anderson is looking down at you and he is hoping you will not let his death destroy you. Do you really think he died blaming you?! Do you really think he would want his death to be the thing that brakes you?!"

"No...I guess not." Shepard said at last bringing himself under control. "Thank you Tali. I haven't always treated you well and sometimes I don't know why you put up with me."

"I put up with you because you are worth it and you show me strange but beautiful alien places like this." Tali said lightly. "By the way what is this place called."

"I believe it is called Yorkshire." Shepard said quietly and he reached over and put his right arm around Tali. Tali then rested her head on is shoulders.

"Well whatever it is called it is nice and peaceful and I am glad you are here with me." She said.

"I am glad you are with me too." Shepard replied and planted a light kiss on her face mask. Tali found herself wishing she could take it off but of course she could not. Instead they just sat there together enjoying the quiet peaceful landscape that lay before them. At that moment it didn't seem like anything could be wrong in the galaxy and the war had never seemed farther away. They were in a state of total peace for the first time in years.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next day Shepard decided to check himself out of the hospital. This was much to Doctor Baker's chagrin but Shepard felt he needed a change of scene and giving himself time to just sit around and think about what had been lost would not be good for him or Tali. So despite the doctor's rather rude objections and insults that morning found Shepard and Tali packing up their things. They had first packed up Shepard's few belongings that were in his hospital room and then they went to Tali's hotel room to pack up her stuff.

Shepard had decided that there was no point in delaying and much to Tali's delight he had decided that they should head for Rannoch and start building their first house. The beach house could wait but Shepard wanted to start work on the house they would be spending most of the rest of their lives in as soon as he could. He also knew that it would help him if he had something to do and to get as far away from the war as possible. Building a house in the middle of nowhere on Rannoch fit the bill on both counts. Hackett insisted on sending the Normandy to pick up Shepard and Tali. They would take a shuttle to meet it in orbit. They would let them get past most of the press. It also meant that in about three days they would be on Rannoch beginning a new life.

The mood was light as could be expected given the fact that walls were still missing to some of the rooms in the hotel and the fact that the city still reeked of death pretty carefree as they packed. Tali felt like she had woken up from a long nightmare and things seemed to finally be going right. Just a few days before she had been wondering if Shepard would ever wake up and even the day before it had looked like there was a major bump in the road for them but now Shepard seemed happy and everything she had hoped for throughout the war but had not dared dream would really happen was in fact happening.

For his part Shepard was truly happy,or at least he thought he was happy. He had not been really happy with out a disaster or some sadness hanging over him for so long he could not remember what it was like. If he had been honest with himself he would admit that he had not felt the way that he felt that day since he was a teenager,way back years before he lost his family. Finding himself completely free without a battle to fight or anyone depending on him to save them had left Shepard feeling light as a feather that day. That was not to mention the fact that he was about to go off and start a life with the woman he loved,a life he thought would never happen. Shepard wasn't stupid,he knew that the scars of the past would not just vanish over night. He knew that there would be hard times ahead for both he and Tali,but at that moment he was not thinking of that fact. He decided to live in the moment and enjoy that day and that was what he was doing.

It took them much longer to pack Tali's stuff then Shepard had thought it would. He had known that Quarians carried a lot of stuff with them at all times due to not having a home for three hundred years but he had no idea any one Quarian could carry so much stuff. He guessed most of it was stuff Tali had picked up during the last days of the war and while she was waiting for him to wake up in the hospital and to be fair most of it seemed to have a purpose. It was tech that would help the Quarian fleet,seeds and plants that would grow on Rannoch,and things like cleaning products she had needed during her prolonged stay on Earth. Still Shepard was glad when the packing was finally done.

It was at that moment that there was a knock at the door. Tali was closer so she walked over to the door. As she reached for the opening button she turned he head and looked back at Shepard. "Hand me my shotgun,if this is another reporter I am going to blast them." She said with a sigh. Shepard smiled and nodded.

"Don't worry at this point no court would convict you." He responded dryly.

Tali then opened the door and it turned out it wasn't a reporter at all but an old friend. It was Ashley Williams and Shepard could have sworn she looked happy. He had never really seen her in that state before so he could not be sure. Both he and Tali were shocked to see her there,they had not received any warning that she was going to visit.

"Ash what the hell are you doing here?" Shepard asked since he was unable to think of anything else to say.

"Wow,that's the welcome I get Skipper?" Ashley asked as she entered the room. "Well I talked to Hackett and got him to give me the job of flying you to the Normandy. I wanted to see how you were and I only just found out you were awake."

"Oh don't take it the wrong way,it's great to see you." Shepard explained. "I just heard you were on extended leave."

"Yeah I am on extended leave not dead." Ashley responded.

"So how are things going for you and your family?" Tali asked.

"Well you know family a little can go a long way. Even after what has happened after more then two months with them I was ready for a break." Ashley replied.

"Hench taking this job." Shepard said as he picked up the last bag and slung in over his shoulder.

"Well that and I wanted to visit you in the hospital but before I knew it you were awake and leaving earth." Ashley explained as they walked out of the door. They then began to make their way down the hall and to the elevator. " I landed the shuttle on the roof,I figured we wouldn't have to deal with reporters that way." Ashley informed them.

"Good job but how did you know I was sick to death of dealing with reporters?" Shepard asked as they stood outside the elevator door waiting for it to come up.

"Come on,how long have I known you Skipper? Remember that time Garrus had to stop you from punching out that reporter who asked you about the number of humans who had died saving the counsel." Ashley replied throwing Shepard a look.

Shepard cleared his throat. "Yes,of course how could I forget. Half the galaxy saw me nearly punch her out." Shepard said sheepishly.

"I still say you should have done it,that bitch had it coming." Tali piped in. A second later there was a ding and the doors to the elevator opened. Thankfully there was on one inside so they stepped in and Ashley pressed the button for the top floor and the elevator started to move.

"So I take it everything is going well for you and your family?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah about as well as can be expected after everything that has happened and one of my sisters losing her husband. Unlike a lot of families we all made it out alive so things are going pretty well." Ashley answered.

"Well that is good." Tali said rather lamely,it was all she could think of to say at that moment.

The elevator doors then opened. They had reached the top floor and would have to take the stairs to get to the roof from there.

"So what about you skipper,how are you doing?" Ashley asked as they made their was up the old rusted metal staircase.

"Very good I couldn't be happier at the moment." Shepard answered truthfully.

"So no regrets about leaving earth and everything else behind?" Ashley asked in a tone that came out a little more combative then she meant it to. Tali gave her a look that of course could not be seen through the fog clouded visor.

"No none what so ever." Shepard replied. "Earth was never my home any way and I have had enough of military life. I can't wait to start a new life on Rannoch." This made Tali breath a sigh of relief and smile to herself.

A moment latter they opened the old door that let to the roof and were shocked by what they saw. Ashley Williams was the first to speak. "How the hell did they get up here?!" She then turned to Shepard and spoke to him. "I'm sorry skipper they must have seen me land and figured it out for themselves."

Shepard looked out the door at the small army of reporters and cameras that were between them and the shuttle and let out a sigh before turning back to Ashley. "It's okay we just have get past them and we will be on our way." Shepard said and then stepped out onto the roof.

He was surrounded as he he tried to make his way across the roof and to the shuttle. He couldn't make out any of the questions that were being asked because so many were being asked at once so he just yelled out answers to the ones that he thought it was most likely he was being asked repeatedly.

Shepard shouted out replies like "I am retiring from military life and I don't want to say where I am going.", "I have no comment on anything to do with government policy since I was never involved in politics.", "The real people you should be thanking are the hundreds of thousands of heroes who stepped up from every race and gave their lives to end the war.",and "Right now I just want to focus on resting and planning the rest of my life and I would be grateful if people would let me do it in private."

He had gotten about half way to the shuttle when things seemed to quiet down a bit and then a gasp pasted through the crowd and a whole new set of questions started to be shouted out him,the reporters had spotted Tali. Shepard had hoped to get to Rannoch with out giving the press any more material for their gossip about him and Tali. He had never confirmed their relationship to anyone in public not because he was ashamed of her but because he didn't want her to become something talked about by the tabloid press. It was bad enough he had to deal with the press but Tali was shy and they didn't have this type of gutter press on the fleet she grew up on. In truth Shepard just wanted to keep their private life well private for lack of a better word. At that moment the gig seemed to be up,the reporters had stopped focusing on Shepard and were not focusing on Tali. Shepard had to say something just so they would ease up and let Tali through to the shuttle.

Shepard pushed his way through the crowd and finally made it to Tali's side. The reporters had not let up in yelling questions only this time they were directed at Tali,Shepard could tell that the whole situation was leaving her flustered so he took over shouting out answers.

"I will make a brief statement and then we are getting on that shuttle." Shepard announced. Ashley Williams then piped in with her two cents. "Anyone who isn't happy with this deal will get my boot up their ass,got it?!" She yelled. After this a hush fell over the crowd.

"Thank you Spectre Williams." Shepard said looking at her and then began his statement. Shepard had never liked talking to crowds but throughout the war he had learned that much to his own chagrin he was good at it. He hoped it was a skill that after that day he would never have to use again.

"This is Tali she was a member of my crew and the speculation was correct for once,we have been in a relationship for some time. We are in fact engaged to be married but we are both retiring from public life so we don't think our lives are a subject for gossip any more. She saved my life many times and the people of the galaxy and humanity owe her a great deal,we hope that you people of the press will respect our privacy and allow us to get on with our lives. Thank you."

Shepard then began to lead Tali through the crowd and for once they seemed to be giving them a little space. They were almost to the shuttle when Ashley spotted him and shouted out a warning to Shepard. Out of the crowd a Batarian stepped and he was pointing a pistol directly at Shepard's head.

"My people are dying because of you,now we will have our justice!" The Batarian yelled. "You killed off an inter world but before you die I will make you watch her die!" The Batarian then aimed his pistol at Tali. Ashley was trying to get into position to take the Batarian down with out causing his gun to go off but the crowd was making that hard.

Shepard didn't take time to think he was over come with pure raged,he charged at the Batarian and knocked him to the ground. Shepard then began to punch him in the face,the Batarian didn't have time to react or defend himself,he was so shocked that he dropped the gun. Shepard then leaped to his feet and began kicking the Batarian in the face with his booted right foot. Blood began pouring across the the Batarian's face and one of his eyeballs was hanging outside of it's socket he cried out in pain,Shepard then grabbed him by his coat and dragged him to the edge of the roof and held him over it by the coat.

When Shepard finally spoke there was pure hate in his eyes and he spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. "You Batarian bastards have made my life hell for years. First you dirty slavers butchered my family in cold blood,then your mercs repeatedly tried to kill me when I was trying to save the galaxy,then I save your race and you come after the woman I love. Well no more. I don't need a gun to deal with slaver scum like you. I'm a Spectre so that means I can drop you right off of this building and no one can do anything about it." At this the Batarian seemed to come to his senses and a look of pure fear pasted over his face. Shepard then continued. "I am done playing nice and I will do whatever it takes to protect the people I love. Have your corps tell all your slaver friends to stay away from me if they know what is good for them." Then to the shock of everyone there Shepard let go and the Batarian fell forty stories to his death.

There was a flurry of questions but Shepard ignored them all and just walked into the shuttle followed by Tali and Ashley.

The flight up to the Normandy was somber. Tali was the first to speak she tried looking Shepard in the eyes but he refused to look at her. "I can't believe you did that." was all she said and it took Shepard a few moments to respond.

"I have always had one rule. I make peace where I can but if anyone comes after you the bastard does not get a second chance." He explained as he grimly looked ahead not meeting Tali's gaze. There was something about his tone she didn't like. It was too calm,it was like talking to a V.I. Tali didn't know what to say after this so no one spoke until they landed on the Normandy.

At last the shuttle docked in the Normandy's cargo bay. They started to get out but then noticed that something was wrong. It was pitch dark in the cargo bay,every single one of the lights were out and none of them could see their hand in front of their face.

"What happened to the lights?" Tali asked. Before anyone could answer her all the lights suddenly came on and a large group of people yelled "Surprise!" at the top of their lungs.

Shepard and Tali looked around shocked,only Ashley seemed to have expected what had happened. As Shepard looked around he saw that the whole cargo bay was decorated with streamers and other brightly colored decorations and that there were tables set up with food and drink for every race in the galaxy. The place was also packed with people,it seemed like everyone was there at that moment. To say Shepard was shocked would have been an under statement,still he did know that he should have expected this.

Joker and Garrus were the first to step forward and away from the crowd. Joker began speaking. "Well there is a time and a place for everything." The Garrus interrupted him. "Now is the time and this is the place for one hell of a party so let's drink up!" This got a round of applause from everyone and soon the party was in full swing.

Everyone was there it seemed. Miranda had been pulled away from running what was left of her father's company. Shepard managed to find out she had been running it since the war left earth. Miranda was very clear that if it was up to her she would have burnt the place to the ground but when she saw how much help the companies money(which the Illusive Man had helped Henry Lawson protect)could be to the people of earth she decided that at least for the present she should take over the company.

Ken and Gabby were there still pretending they were not a couple. As the day became night and they became more and more drug they became worse at keeping their cover. Shepard could only think it was getting pretty silly every time he saw them.

Liara was even looking pretty cheerful. Shepard was not sure what about until she aprouched him and began to talk. "Shepard I wanted to tell you something." She said and it sounded to Shepard like she was a little drunk.

"What is it?" Shepard asked.

"I wanted to tell you that you were right." Liara said and Shepard thought he could spot a hint of shame pass over her face.

"What about?" Shepard asked a little confused,he was not sure what she could be talking about.

"When you warned my all that time ago when I was hunting the Shadow Broker not to become the thing I was hunting. I dismissed your advice and then when I hunted him and later when I took over part of me did become what I was hunting. I became cold and didn't really care who I had to hurt to get the job done. I didn't take your advice and now I regret it." Liara answered sadly and there was a single tear in her eye.

"Liara I didn't mean to upset you." Shepard began. "That was a long time ago and you are a good person and I think you have done a good job of being the Shadow Broker with out turning into him. You are a good person Liara."

"Maybe but I was losing that,you were right about that." Liara interrupted. "I decided to stop being the Shadow Broker. I know there are a lot of people I could help but I don't want to go down that path any more." She then looked at the floor. "I know you may have been counting on my help and I am sorry I let you down."

"No if anything I am proud of you." Shepard said said with a small smile. "It takes a lot of guts to take an honest look at yourself and walk away from something like that. You are not letting anyone down. I am sure the galaxy will be just fine without a Shadow Broker."

"I hope you are right. I have a feeling that rebuilding the galaxy is going to be just as big a job as saving it." Liara said looking up at Shepard.

"Maybe I am just glad I will not be in charge for once." Shepard said with a laugh and then added. "So what do you plan on doing if you are not going to be Shadow broker?"

"Well once Javik gets out of prison he promised to help me write a book on Prothean history." Liara replied. "I have decided to return to my first love the study of history. I have a feeling there is still a lot Prothean history can teach us."

A shocked look pasted over Shepard's face when Liara spoke. "Wait Javik is in prison,what happened?" he asked shocked.

"Oh I am sorry I thought you knew he fired on one of the Reapers that seems to be on our side and turned it against us so the alliance locked him up until the last of the Reapers are dealt with." Liara replied.

Shepard nodded his understanding and was about to reply when a late arriving called out to him. She was holding an unopened bottle. Shepard made his way over to her.

"Shepard remember when you told me to save this bottle for our victory?" Chakwas asked.

"You bet I do." Shepard said with a smile.

"Well we won so would you do the honors?" Chakwas asked.

Shepard took the bottle from her,opened it,and began pouring. He then raised his glass and and made a toast. "Here is to more then the best crew who ever lived,here is to the best group of friends anyone ever had. Because of you we did what no one has ever done before,we sent the Reapers to hell!" Everyone raised their glasses to this.

The party went on and on. Shepard got a chance to catch up with all his friends and he saw Tali talking to Brynn,Jacobs girlfriend who was starting to show that she was pregnant. In the months he had been out they seemed to have become close friends.

Shepard saw Garrus bragging repeatedly about wining the sniper contest they had on the Citadel. Garrus didn't seem to know that Shepard had let him win. He was also flirting with almost every woman who crossed his path but didn't seem to have much luck. Shepard had to smile at this.

As the night wore one a poker game broke out that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Everyone was a little too drunk and in too high spirits to play very well but that didn't keep hand after hand from being dealt. One thing everyone learned that night was that Krogan are not very good a poker. Both Wrex and Grunt would completely give it away when they had a good hand and they would react instantly to being dealt a bad hand. The talk around the table was cheerful and friendly and Shepard did a lot of catching up on what was going on.

At last around six o'clock in the morning very tired and tipsy Shepard and Tali said their good beys to the party that was still going and made their way up to their quarters. They stumbled inside and clumsily god read for bed. Shepard's head had just hit the pillow and he was about to go out like a light when Tali spoke up. Her voice was somber and even in his state Shepard knew he needed to pay attention to what she was saying so he sat up with a yawn.

"I don't want to be the think that chances you." Tali said gravely.

Shepard was a little confused by this statement. "What are you talking about?" He asked. "Yes you have changed me a little but it has been for the better."

"No it isn't all for the better." Tali began to explain. "In any other situation I don't think you would have dropped that helpless Batarian off the top of a building. He wasn't a threat at that point so why did you do it?"

"Is that what this is about?" Shepard said with a sigh. "Look I thought I explained to you that I wasn't going to let anyone get away with coming after you. That Batarian was a brute and if I had to do the same thing again to protect you I would."

"That is what I mean." Tali said and Shepard could hear desperation in her voice. "Back when you destroyed the Collector's base you told the Illusive Man that you were not going to let fear change who you were but then yesterday you let fear change you." Tali then began to cry a little. "I can't live with myself if I know that I caused you to change into a heartless killer. It's my life and I would rather die then have to live with what you will become if you go down that path. Please try to understand!" She pleaded.

For the first time Shepard did start to understand and he felt worse then he had ever felt before. He tried to reach out and put an arm around Tali but she recoiled from his touch. That hurt the worst of all. Finally he spoke. "You are right." He said at last and his voice was full of shame. "I screwed up. I shouldn't have done that,I let fear change me. I'm sorry. I will not let it happen again. Please forgive me."

"I do forgive you,but it's going to take time for the pain to go away." Tali replied at last looking at him.

Shepard nodded that he understood and then lay down and settled in to go to sleep. It wasn't perfect but it was the best he could ask for given what had happened. Whatever the future held he couldn't let himself slip up like that again. The last twenty four hours had been eventful and he was grateful when he finally fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Shepard didn't know what time he was when he finally began to push the sleep from his eyes,all he knew was that it must have been late. He felt someone was blasting a tunnel inside his head. Tali stirred beside him and mad a little moan,that moan may as well have been the roar of combat given the main that shot through Shepard's head when she made it. Slowly he turned around and saw that she was trying to get up to,but it didn't seem to be easy for either of them. He let out a moan this time and Tali was the first to speak in a hushed tone.

"Please stop yelling,my head hurts bad enough." she pleaded.

"Only if you promise to stop yelling to,it's too early and I am too hung over for this kind of noise." Shepard moaned.

"Deal." Tali said and she slowly stood up. They both spoke very quietly. "So what time do you think it really is?" Tali asked as she headed for the bathroom.

"I have no idea. All I do know is if you care about me you will never let me drink that much again." Shepard moaned and shuffled his way to just outside the bath room. By now Tali had finished throwing up everything she had ate in the last day.

"Dito." She said at last.

Shepard took a look in the mirror. The man that looked back was not the bright eyed and bushy tailed commander he knew. His eye were bloodshot,he looked tired,and he had a beard that had spend most of the past two months growing. Shepard felt his chin with his right hand. "I haven't decided if I am going to keep this or not." He said thoughtfully. "What do you think?" He turned to Tali as he asked this question.

"I don't know." Tali replied. "Quarians don't see each others' faces and even if we did Quarian men don't have beards so it just looks kind of strange to me." She explained.

Shepard reached for his razor and then thought better of it. "I think I will keep it for now." He said at least.

"So I think I am going to swear off any future parties Joker throws." Tali said a few moments later.

You too?" Shepard said as he got ready to take a shower.

"Not only is it too painful but the dreams you have as a result are just way to strange." Tali explained.

"You had strange dreams too?" Shepard asked as he stepped under the shower head.

"Yeah I had a dream that Cerberus had made a clone of you. It didn't make much sense and it hurts my head just thinking about it." Tali answered. "What was your strange dream?"

"Well I dreamed that for some reason right when we were in the middle of chasing down Cerberus and we were trying to hold off the collectors for some reason I rented this huge room on the Citadel and we stopped fighting the way to have a party." Shepard answered as he rinsed the soap from his hair.

"Wow,you are right that is strange." Tali said and some shock had slipped into her voice.

"Oh and the worst is still coming,I dreamed that at one point you sang." Shepard said as he stepped out of the shower and began to try himself.

"Wait how is that the worst?!" Tali demanded with hurt sneaking into her voice.

"You were awful." Was Shepard's only reply. "Hey I can't control what I dream about blame Joker and his stupid party." He said defensively.

"Okay I will forgive you,this time." Tali said playfully.

"Good because I don't want to start this day,night,whatever with a fight." Shepard said as he pulled his clothes on.

"Yeah my head is hurting too much for a real fight." Tali agreed. Shepard smiled at this.

"Well I don't know about you but I am going to go get some pills for this headache and then get something to eat,I am starving." Shepard said walking out of the bath room.

"Sounds like a plan." Tali said trying to sound cheerful.

It was then that the intercom beeped. Joker's voice came over it. "Sorry to interrupt but EDI said you were up."

"I thought you had stopped spying on me after we left Cerberus EDI!" Shepard said to the ship's A.I.

"I am sorry Shepard but I thought you would want to know this right away." EDI explained.

"What's the bad news?" Tali asked.

"Well we just got a flash from Hackett. It seems that Harbinger and the last of the Reapers have broken through the fleet." Joker said and he sounded worried.

"Maybe we celebrated too soon." Tali said grimly.

Shepard thought for a second and then asked his next question even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer. "Do we have any idea where they are headed?" he asked.

"Well sir that is the part Hackett wanted to warn you about,it looks like they are headed for Rannoch." Joker answered. Tali let out a gasp at this.

"Send a message thanking Hackett for the heads up." Shepard replied evenly. "When will we reach Rannoch?"

"In about a day and the Reapers should be there a few hours after that." Came Joker's grim reply.

"Okay,thanks Joker. I'll come up with a plan and brief everyone in a few hours." Shepard said and then he closed the comlink.

"Looks like I can't retire just yet." Shepard said turning to a clearly worried Tali.

"This was supposed to be over." Tali said at last.

"I know but one last battle and we can put all of this behind us." Shepard said taking her into his arms.

"I hope you are right." Tali said letting out a sigh and then she looked up at him. "But you know the only reason Harbinger would come to Rannoch would be to kill you."

"I know." Shepard said rubbing her back. "That is why I am going to make sure that I kill him first."

"No John." Tali said forcefully. "We will get him first. You aren't taking the Galaxy on a lone any more."

"Yes I know." Shepard said with a sigh. "But it's very dangerous."

"You don't think I know that?" Tali asked. "Your people have a saying for better or for worse and that is what I am in this for!" She raised her voice to as near a yell as she dared with both of their headaches.

"Yes of course,sorry." Shepard replied after a minute or so of thought. "Thanks Tali,I don't think you know how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"I think I do. I feel the same way every time you tell me you love me." Tali replied.

"Well good we had better start working on that plan now." Shepard said after another minute and then he led Tali to the desk that was home to his private terminal. Shepard hated to admit it but as much as he disliked the idea of Tali being in danger he was glad he would not have to take his final step alone. He only hoped Tali would fare better then Anderson. One thing was for sure the course of their future lives if any would be decided some time in the next two days.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Shepard had never been as grateful for anything in his life as he was for the large cup of coffee Trainer handed him as he entered the Normandy's war room. It was exactly what he needed at that moment and he didn't care if it burnt his mouth,he took a giant sip from the cup. He let the warmth and the caffeine wash over him and he felt his mind finally come into focus. He didn't feel completely awake at that moment,but it was close enough for him to do what he had to do.

Shepard looked around the room and saw that everyone was there,Tali had arrived a few minutes before him and the rest of his old team was gathering around the large round holo display table. As Shepard glanced around the room he smiled to himself,the people in that room may not have been his team or crew any more but they were something better,his friends. It was strange the turns life could take but Shepard didn't have time to dwell on that thought at that moment,there was business to take care of. Shepard then took his place at the front of the table and started to call everyone to order.

"Well I guess you are wondering why I asked you to come here." But that was as far as he got before the door to the room hissed open and a bomb went off. A bomb in the form of a very angry .

"YOU MONSTERS,I KNOW YOU DID IT!" The gray haired human woman yelled her face was the brightest red that could be imagined and she was pointing at Urdnat Wrex and Grunt. The two Krogan were standing beside each other but they didn't dare interrupt Chalkwas outburst.

"SEE IF I EVER PATCH YOU UP AGAIN,WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS WOULD DO SUCH A THING?!" She demanded as she closed the distance and to everyone's surprise the two Krogan started to back up. It was at about that point that Shepard got over his initial shock and decided to find out just what was going on. He stepped in between the doctor and the Krogan but that didn't seem to calm her down one bit.

"What are you saying they did?" Shepard asked puzzled.

"Those two things completely destroyed my med lab!" Chalkwas yelled calming down only a little.

"What?!" Shepard said shocked. He then turned to the Krogan. "Wrex is this true?" He demanded.

"Sort of." Wrex tried to explain sheepishly. "It's not as bad as she is making it sound."

"Not as bad?!" Chalkwas yelled out in shock and she lounged at the Krogan only to have Shepard stop her. "They dashed the window to atoms,they demolished ever shelf,and they completely destroyed the biobeds. IT IS THAT BAD!"

To say that Shepard was shocked would be an understatement,still he had solved his share of crew squabbles in the past so he kept his cool. He turned to Wrex and Grunt for answers. "Why would you do something like that?" He asked.

It was Grunt who spoke up this time. "It's not like we did it on purpose. The medbay just got in the way of our talk that we had early this morning."

"How could my medbay get in the way of anything,it's a room on this ship that is always in the same place?!" Chalkwas demanded.

Wrex answered this one. "Well early this morning Grunt and I went up to the crew deck to look for something to eat and while we were eating we started chatting."

"How does a chat end with a destroyed med bay?" Shepard asked and he shot both of the Krogan a hard look that told them the explanation had better be very good. Chalkwas was too enraged to speak at that moment.

"Well you see our chat was about which of us had been on the more suicidal missions and thus was better under fire." Grunt explained to his battle master. "Any way it got heated and the medbay got in the way."

Wrex then piped in. "Honestly Shepard it wasn't that bad and on a Krogan ship no one would have made a big deal about it."

"WE ARE NOT ON A KROGAN SHIP IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE SHITBRAINS!" Chalkwas yelled and then brought up a video feed from the medbay on her Omni-Tool. It showed a room that Shepard had to admit looked like it had be at the heart of a large battle. Chalkwas was about to try and have a go at both Krogan at once when Shepard grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes. He needed her to calm down.

"Look I will take care of this okay,please just let me handle it." He said and he gave her a look that left no room for argument.

"Alright." The older woman said at last and calmed down and Shepard let go of her. Chalk was then took a few steps back before continuing in a much calmer manner. "But if you want my advice you will space those two,they can't be trusted."

"Noted." Shepard said and then turned to the two Krogan. "You two will pay for all the damage." He said in a calm commanding tone.

"Alright that is fair." Wrex said and was about to walk away before Shepard continued. 'After this meeting you will also go down to the medbay and clean up the mess." Shepard said forcefully.

"What?" Both Krogan responded in shock.

"This is still my ship and I make the rules,you make a mess you clean it up." Shepard said matter of factly.

"But I am Urdnot Wrex the chief of chiefs,that kind of work is below me." Wrex protested.

"Well maybe you will remember that the next time you and Grunt decide to have a talk." Shepard replied and he turned away to indicate he was done explaining himself.

"Fine." both Krogan said with a sigh. Chalkwas didn't say anything she just left the room. Tali and Kasumi who was standing beside her were both trying and failing to contain a case of the giggles. The two Krogan sheepishly returned to the table much subdued. Shepard just wished that the next few minutes would go smoother then the last two.

"Well I guess I should just come out and tell you why I called you all here before we are interrupted again." Shepard said and shot one last look at the two Krogan. "Before we get to Rannoch we are going to be stopping at Omega so all of you can get off and catch rides from there to wherever you are going."

"Why would you do that can't we get on ships leaving Rannoch?" Jacob Taylor asked.

"Well the fact is we have just found out that Harbinger and the last of the Reapers are headed to Rannoch. They will arrive about eight hours after the Normandy. It's clear he knows I am going to be there and is coming after me. I can't run from him for the rest of my life so the final battle of the Reaper war is going to be fought on Rannoch. There is a good chance I will not be walking away from this one. The Reapers will be throwing everything they have at me." After Shepard finished explaining this a hush fell over the room. A pin could have been heard dropping and it was Garrus who broke the silence.

"Well there has never been a Shepard with out Vakarian and that is not going to change now." He said and Shepard knew his old friend long enough to know that arguing with him was pointless so instead he just gave him a grateful smile.

Grunt was the next to speak. "I can't let my battle master go into battle with out me,I would be disgraced I am coming too."

"It will beat doing more corporate paper work." Miranda said.

"I am about to have son that is something that could not have happened without you." Wrex said taking a few steps closer to Shepard.

Shepard then held up his hands and spoke. "I am grateful to all of you and I am very lucky to have friends like you but before you sign up for this I want you to know that you have already gone above and beyond the call and I don't know how this will turn out. Tali and I have to do this the rest of you do not."

"Shepard you are wasting time." Jacob said. "We are all in this and we will win it."

Shepard didn't say anything he just nodded and the room began to empty. At last the only person left in the room was a very worried looking Kasumi Goto who could only speak to the empty room. "You are all idiots and I didn't sign up for another suicide mission." She didn't notice that Garrus who was the last to leave the room could hear her. "That is because you are coward who only cares about money,don't worry we will find you somewhere to hide until the danger passes." The Turrian said rather harshly and then he walked out the door.

Shepard was still very worried not just about himself but about Tali. Shepard wished that he could think of some way to talk her into staying behind and not getting involved in his fight but he knew it was useless. Still despite that worry he felt a little better about his chances,his whole team was going with him and some how they always managed to make it out. Shepard didn't know what the coming battle would bring but at that moment he at least had some hope that they would make it. He wasn't sure what he had every done to deserve such good friends but at times like the one he was facing at that moment he was glad he had them.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

They were about four hours out from Rannoch when Shepard finally had the last pieces of his plan in place and was ready to deliver a briefing. Shepard steeled himself,this was it the final mission briefing he would ever give and if fortune favored the foolish as it had done most of his life soon he would be free of this threat and he hoped happy. Shepard took a breath and then entered the war room for what he hoped would be the last time.

Everyone had gathered around and Shepard hoped this time they would not be interrupted by an angry doctor.

"Well Tali Miranda and I have been working on the problem and we have come up with a battle plan." Shepard announced and then the holo display brought up a map of the Rannoch system. The 3D image then zoomed in on the system's mass relay. "The Reapers have to use Mass Relays the same as everyone else so that is where Harbinger will expect us to make our stand. The joint Quarian,Turrian,and Human fleet that has made it to the system will put up a token resistance there but that will not be where we make our stand."

"Well then where will we be making our stand?" Garrus asked.

"On Rannoch's moon,it's the best place to go in order to make sure no one else gets caught in the cross fire and by making only a token stand at the relay we make sure most of the fleet will be intact to take on the Reapers." Tali explained.

"That sounds fine in theory but how to we make sure Harbinger and the rest of the Reapers go there?" Jacob asked he didn't sound too sure of the plan.

"Simple Harbinger is after me so that is where I go,I'm the bait for the trap." Shepard said and his tone turned grave. This was not a joking matter,a Reaper had a personal grudge against him. This was as deadly as deadly as it got.

"That sounds like a risky plan and it looks like there are two other smaller Reapers with Harbinger,are you sure the fleet we have is big enough to deal with them?" Garrus asked. The plan was worrying Garrus more and more,to him it sounded like another one of his friend's trademark suicide plans. Garrus wasn't about to let Shepard lay down his life for the galaxy yet again. If he had to knock him out and steal the ship to keep Shepard from engaging Harbinger in a battle he would never walk away from that was what he was going to do.

"It will have to be. You go to war with the forces you have." Shepard said with a shrug echoing his friend's words from earlier in the war back at him.

"We have a plan for evening the odds." Miranda interrupted. "Using what we learned from the Crusable and the old Geth jamming tower on Rannoch we are going to jam the channels the Reapers use to communicate. The moment they enter the system they will not be able to talk to each other. That should let us split them up and take them down one at a time." The Ex Cerberus operative explained.

"Should leaves a lot of room for things to go wrong." It was Wrex who spoke up this time. The Krogan may have been gunhoe but he wasn't stupid. He knew the dangers of going into battle when you were not ready.

"I have another trick up my sleeve." Shepard said.

"I think it's EDI and my sleeves since we are the one who worked it out." Tali piped in with a playful huff.

"Thanks for reminding me. Yes the credit goes to you." Shepard said looking over at the Quarian woman.

"Would someone just tell us what this wonderful plan is?" an exasperated Ashley Williams said interrupting the banter such as it was. "It's not like we have a lot of time here."

"Well my people and the Geth have just brought online a large number of ground to space cannon that were placed on that moon by the Geth years ago. It makes the moon look like the perfect fall back position. Once we get Harbinger chasing the Normandy Shepard and I will take the shuttle down to the moon. The ground to space canon should make it hard for Harbinger to follow us." Tali explained. Shepard winced a little when she mentioned coming with him but she ignored it. Tali had made up her mind,she was not being parted from him again.

At that moment EDI's voice came in over the intercom. "I am afraid that anyone going to the moon will have to be dropped off directly by the Normandy. Half an hour ago all my systems in the cargo bay went offline for five minutes and now the shuttle is gone." The A.I explained.

"What,why would anyone steal a shuttle?" Liara? Asked shocked.

"It must be Kasumi getting off the ship." Shepard said evenly. "She told me she wasn't going on another suicide mission."

"Remind me to toss her into a very deep very dark pit if we ever run into her again." Garrus said to the room.

"Later right now we need to focus." Shepard said taking control of the situation and then he got on the com. "Joker are you sure you can handle getting us down there with those cannon going off?"

The pilot's voice came over the com an instant latter and he sounded offended. "Of course I can,who got the team off of earth when it got too hot and there were Reapers just a few miles away? Oh right me!"

"Okay just wanted to make sure." Shepard said and he turned off the com unit.

"Shepard I am still not sure what your plan is. I don't think a bunch of cannons are going to take down Harbinger." Garrus piped in again.

"Don't worry they are just another distraction,we don't want Harbinger to notice that the majority of the fleet will be on the other side of Rannoch." Miranda said in her usual cool calculated way.

"What are you planning to do with the fleet?" Liara asked.

"EDI and Tali have come up with a new version of the syncing laser that I used on Rannoch. When I light up his weak point as a target that whole fleet with let Harbinger have it." Shepard said trying to sound more sure of himself then he was.

"Will that even be enough?" Garrus was still worried.

"This fleet will have 37% more firepower then the one that stopped the Reapers at the battle of the Citadel. So yes it will work if Shepard can line up the target." Miranda answered. If there was one thing that could be said about her it was that she stayed cool in a crisis.

"That is why I will need all of you." Shepard said motioning to his friends. "Harbinger is sure to let off ground troops when he gets to that moon so I will need the best ground team in the galaxy covering me so that I will have a chance to target him."

Everyone nodded at this.

"I just want you to know that I can't think of anyone else I would rather face this with then all of you. You have all stood by me in the darkest hours and I will not forget that. I don't know how but we will all make it out of this fight and then drinks will be on me! Any questions?" Shepard said and his voice was filled with emotion as he delivered this speech. It wasn't much but it was the best he could come up with at the last minute.

"No,let's go kill those Reapers so we can start drinking again!" Wrex yelled in a voice that was much too loud for the small war room.

"Alright everyone suit up and get ready,we will be at the Rannoch system in a few hours." Shepard said and then the group began to disperse.

As they left he turned to Tali. "Are you sure there is nothing I can say that would convince you to stay behind?" He asked hopefully.

"No,nothing." Tali answered firmly leaving no room for argument.

"Okay,and thank you." Shepard said looking into the glowing orbs that were her eyes. "It means a lot to me that you want to go through this with me. I can't promise that either of us will make it. So even if I would rather you not come it means a lot that you are coming any way."

Tali took a step closer to him and she spoke in hushed tone. "I can promise you that we will both be coming back. I didn't come all this way and lose you once before just to lose you again. We are going to make it because I am not going to settle for anything less then a happy ending."

Shepard smiled at this. "Well it's you vs. the forces of fate and I will bet on you every time."

"Smart bet because when it comes to the people I love I fight dirty."

Shepard wished he could kiss her at that moment but instead he settled for hug. "Come on we need to get suited up and ready. One last battle and then we can get on with our lives."

"I am right behind you." They then walked out of the war room ready to meet fate and take on the deadliest force in the galaxy for the last time.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The mood on the Normandy bridge could not have been more tense. They were sitting at the head of a fleet stationed just outside the Rannoch system's mass relay waiting for Harbinger and the last of the Reapers to come through. Everyone knew that these could be their last minutes alive so the mood was very somber. They also knew that if they lived this would be the last battle of the war and there would finally be peace,that filled the air with a strange sort of excitement. Everyone even Joker was in full combat gear with their helmets in easy reach just in case the Normandy was taken down,that way they wouldn't die instantly in the vacume of space.

Shepard stood at the galaxy map in the back of the CIC. It displayed a three dimensional view of the Rannoch system that included real time displays of all traffic in the system including the fleet. Shepard was ready to below out orders if the Reapers would only get there. The waiting was the worst part. The worst part of a battle is once you get ready you have to wait for it to start. The things that you can imagine going wrong are almost always worse then what can really go wrong. So everyone was at their posts waiting and no one really felt like talking. Shepard couldn't remember the last time the CIC was that quiet.

For Shepard the worst part was knowing that at that moment he could defeat Harbinger but it could go wrong so easily. At that point Harbinger would be like a trapped wild animal and that meant the Reaper leader could do something extreme and unexpected. The Reapers Shepard had battled in the past had all thought they had the upper hand but Harbinger would know better. Shepard had no idea what to expect when fighting a cornered Reaper with nothing to loose. All he could do was hope that his plans would work out one last time.

It was a relief when EDI finally announced that something was coming through the mass relay. This was it,the final showdown between Shepard and Harbinger. On the map Shepard saw the form of Harbinger and three smaller Reapers appear. The monsters which looked like giant hands floating in space were coloured red on the map to indicated that they were enemies.

"Rannoch start jamming now!" Shepard bellowed into the com unit.

"Jamming in progress." A geth voice replied a moment latter.

"Relay fleet focus your fire on the smaller Reapers,do not engage Harbinger. I repeat do not engage the lead Reaper,Leave it to the Normandy!" Shepard ordered into the com unit. A moment latter the map showed the relay fleet breaking up into thirds and focusing their fire on the smaller Reapers. They were not winning yet and it was going to be a hard fight but at that moment things were going according to plan. The Normandy rocked a second later as Joker banked the ship hard to port to avoid a beam that had been fired from one of the finger like legs of the largest Reaper.

"Well I guess we have his attention." Shepard said to himself.

"Did you have to come up with a plan that required us to get shot at by the king of all Reapers?!" Trainer asked. The young woman was at her station beside the map and had over heard Shepard's comment. Shepard smiled to himself but he didn't have time to answer. The ship banked again and he nearly fell backwards onto the deck. He decided he had better put the next phase of the plan into action while the Normandy was still in one piece.

"Ground team to the Shuttle bay!" He ordered. The Normandy lurched again. Shepard looked at the map and the Reapers didn't seem to be supporting each other and Harbinger was clearly focused on the Normandy. Shepard figured that meant the jamming must be working.

"Joker head for Rannoch's moon!" He yelled.

"Easier done then said!" Joker yelled back.

"Rannoch fleet,stand by for my syncing single and fire when you've got it. Shepard out!" That was Shepard's last commanded to the fleet he. He then stepped off of the platform and put his helmet on.

"Joker you have the con." He said as he stepped into the elevator. Joker was too busy fling the ship to respond. The doors to the elevator slammed shut and Shepard was on his way to meet the rest of the team in the shuttle bay.

When Shepard exited the elevator he saw his team standing in the shuttle bay in full body armor with their helmets on,ready for any thing. A few of them were making last minute adjustments to their guns but it was clear they were ready and only doing this to pass the time and ease the tension. Shepard stepped out of the elevator and walked through the crowd and to it's head. As he walked he began to speak.

"I know this must seem impossible right now and that our chances are not great." As Shepard said this the ship rocked again and he nearly stumbled sideways into Liara but he got his balance and continued to make his way to the head of the group and he continued speaking. "But you have all shocked both me and the galaxy by doing the impossible more times then I can remember. Every time we have been told that we can't do something and some back alive you have proven the people who said that wrong. So all we have to do is do the impossible one last time and we are done. I know you can do it,so let's get it done and go home!"

When Shepard finished he looked across the sea of faces and and they had gone from being filled with worry to somewhat hopeful. Anyone who goes into battle without fear is an idiot but they didn't seem certain of their doom any more so Shepard felt he had done his job.

Suddenly Shepard felt the whole ship shake under him and he felt an overwhelming sense of heat. The next thing he was award of was the sound of a massive explosion and he lost all sense of where he was. He must have blacked out because the next thing he knew he was not in the cargo bay and he had no idea where he was. Slowly he started to get his barrings but it wasn't easy.

Shepard's helmet had activate it's visor so there must be bright lights somewhere that could hurt his eyes. This was despite the fact that he was engulfed in almost complete darkness at that moment. The next thing he became aware of was that he was floating weightless and could not easily move. It was like trying to swim without anything to push against. So he just stayed in place not moving. Having such limited control of his own body frustraited Shepard,but he was too busy trying to work out what had happened and where he was to focus on that for too long. Shepard quickly worked out where he was and what must have happened. He was floating helplessly in space in the middle of one of the biggest space battles of all time. The Normandy must have been hit and he must have been blown out into space.

The last thought made him panic. "_What had happened to the Normandy?! Had the ship been destroy?! Was anyone left alive?! What happened to Tali?! Where was she?! Did I just kill her?!" _All of these thoughts raced through Shepard's mind as he tried in vain to move but it was now good. The suit he was wearing was made for ground combat and didn't have any means of propulsion. The most he could make out were bright flashes of light that were so distant that they looked like stars or little light bulbs being switched on and off. It must have been the battle at the relay and Shepard had no way of telling who was winning. Shepard yelled out into his helmet but one he seemed to hear his cry. If he had led Tali to her death he would never forgive himself assuming he lived.

Still maybe this was the way it was supposed to end. After all wasn't he supposed to have died in space three years ago before a group of terrorists brought him back. Maybe this was just Karma or God setting things right. It was while he was thinking these gloomy thoughts that Shepard felt something hard wrap tightly around his chest and begin to spin him around. Shepard looked down and saw some sort of massive metal tentical wrapped around him. He then looked up and his inter field of vision was taken up by the massive black form of a Reaper. He couldn't make out the shape of it very well because it dwarfed him to such a degree but it seemed to be pulling him towards it massive main gun. The gun looked like a giant evil red eye and it pulsed with pure hate.

"_So this is how it ends." _Shepard thought to himself. His senses were in complete overload at that point and all he could think to do was whisper a quiet "I'm sorry Tali." to himself and the universe at large.

Then as he waited for death Shepard heard the chilling sound of Harbinger's voice coming over his helmet's com link. "Shepard now you see why resiting the future is useless. You die and the cycle will be completed." The voice boomed. This put fight into Shepard and he began reaching around his back seeing if he could free one of his guns.

"Like Hell!" He yelled back into his helmet's com link. "Everyone knows what you are and they know there is hope. It doesn't matter what happens to me!"

"The future can not be stopped. I will save organics despite this. With you gone resistance will collapse. The cycle will continue as it always has." The machine droned on. At last Shepard felt the butt of the syncing gun and began to free it. If he was going to die he would take Harbinger with him.

"You don't get it. You never got it!" Shepard yelled as he struggled to free his gun and Harbinger brought him closer to the giant red main gun. "You were wrong! I have proven that organics and synthetics don't have to destroy each other and everyone knows it! Look at what has happened there are Quarians and Geth fighting and dying together as we speak! I did my job and now it doesn't matter what happens to me because others will carry it on!"

"You are wrong! You only see things in the short term. With out you to guide them them organics and synthetics will destroy each other. We are your only salvation. You should not have resisted us." Harbinger bellowed. Shepard finally got the syncing gun free and began to slowly pull it out from behind his back.

"No! I have taught people better then that." Shepard answered. "But even if you are right you have still failed! Look around you. Even if you win today the inter Galaxy is out there ready to hunt you down. How can you continue the cycle on your own? I have proven that you can be destroyed,your ideas are wrong,and that indoctrination can be defeated. What do you have left to take on the galaxy with?!" Shepard demanded. Harbinger didn't seem to have an answer for this so Shepard continued. "So if you are right about my being so important you are now the one dooming the galaxy because with you solution off the table and my dead by your own logic organics and synthetics will destroy each other. YOU HAVE FAILED AT EVERYTHING!" Shepard yelled and his voice was full of hated for this evil piece of metal that had taken his life from him.

"No! The cycle will continue. It is the only option!" Harbinger yelled.

"See you in hell monster!" Shepard said through clenched teeth and he then lined up the syncing laser with the eye like gun and pulled the trigger and the last thing he felt before blacking out from the G force was the sensation of being flung through space at a high rate of speed. He then heard a voice. "Commander we are almost there just hold on." The voice belonged to Joker. Shepard then passed out knowing that the Normandy was safe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

When Shepard came to the first thing he was aware of was a splitting headache and the fact that he felt a soreness over his inter body. He also felt he was laying on something soft and he could hear someone breathing beside him. As he slowly opened his his eyes he heard a voice,it was Tali.

"Oh John thank the ancestors! You're awake!" The young Quarian woman began to ramble. "I thought I lost you when Harbinger blasted the shuttle bay doors open and we got blown out. checked you out and said you were fine,but the medbay is still mess so we brought you up here to our quarters. Don't worry we picked everyone up and they are fine too.!"

Shepard sat up and in his bed and looked around,it was his and now Tali's old quarters,same as ever. He then turned to speak to her.

"Calm down I'm okay and we have plenty of time to talk." He said as a small smile passed over his lips.

"Yes of course." Tali said trying to calm down but everything that had happened had been a little too much for her.

"So I take it we won?" Shepard asked.

"Yes but we lost a lot of ship." Tali replied and speaking of the dead finally made her calm down. "When Harbinger grabbed you we didn't think we were ever going to get you back but Joker insisted on flying in and saving you despite the incoming fire. Still I never want to go through that again."

"Well with the Reapers dead I don't think we will have to." Shepard said and for the first time in a long time he felt carefree. At least he thought that was how he felt,it had been so long since the lives of everyone in the galaxy had depended on him that he wasn't sure what that felt like exactly. Suddenly he took Tali into a big hug and he kissed her face mask. 'WE ARE FREE! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WE ARE FREE!" He yelled with a huge grin.

"Yes we are." Tali said and then she ripped her face mask off and showed Shepard that she was smiling as broadly as he was. They both then started laughing with joy.

"I can't believe we can have a life now." Shepard said and then a single tear made it's way out of his left eye and down his cheek.

"I can't believe it either. I am just so glad something went wrong with Harbinger at the last minute. Someone was looking out for us." Tali said and then she kissed Shepard. Shepard pulled back and looked at her puzzled.

"What do you mean messed up?" Shepard asked.

"Well there was no way we could get you out of that grip that he had you in but at the last minute before he got hit by the first wave of fire he lost his grip somehow and seemed to toss you out into space,clear of it. Then he seemed to lose the ability to move and it just sat there in space taking fire from the fleet and then blow up. We didn't lose a single ship taking it down. I don't know what happened but it was like the hand of god reached down and saved you." Tali explained excitedly.

Shepard then gave Tali a look that she couldn't quite read. "What is it?' She ask him.

Shepard thought for a few moments and then answered her quietly. "I don't know but I think maybe the monster understood in the end."


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Shepard was the first to wake up after a long restful sleep. He found Tali resting against him and didn't feel like moving and waking her so he just spent some time laying in bed looking up at his cabin's skylight thinking about nothing in particular. Shepard had never felt as relaxed or content as he did at that moment. If he had it his way he would go on laying in that bed looking out at the stars for the rest of his life. Shepard was so relaxed and lost in thought that he didn't notice when Tali started to stir beside him.

"You know since I grew up on a ship surrounded by stars I guess I always took them for granted,but now I have to say this really is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen." Tali mused and then she let out a yawn and stretched.

"When I was a kid I used to look up at the start at night and wonder who lived on the planets that circled them." Shepard said still looking up at the skylight. "I wanted to meet and work with all the aliens,I didn't understand why a lot of adults were scared of and hated them. I wanted to meet every alien I could."

"I am glad you didn't let the Batarian raid change that part of you." Tali responded.

"That's just it I didn't let it change me." Shepard confessed with a heavy sigh.

"What do you mean?" Tali asked clearly shocked,this was a part of Shepard's past he had always been reluctant to talk to her about. She couldn't blame him because she could only imagine how painful it would be remember the day his inter family died but since he was opening up she wanted to know so she could understand him better.

"Well you lost your father and mother so you can understand the pain but now imagine that it wasn't just them that you had a sister too and that everyone on the ship you grew up on was either murdered or taken away as slaves. Try to imagine how that would feel,being a kid and having to watch it but not be able to do anything to stop it." Tali nodded that she understood,she didn't want to interrupt him because she could tell he was having trouble talking about his past and she didn't want to make it any harder for him to do. "I was so scared after that I nearly broke down and lost it. At some point the fear turned to hate that I felt for the Batarians. I joined the military because I wanted to kill every last Batarian I saw. I thought somehow that would make my pain go away and I signed on for any mission that gave me a chance to go up against them. It didn't make me feel any better but hate is better then depression so I was stuck in a rut."

"What changed you?" Tali asked. Shepard had stopped talking for more then a minute but she had to know why he wasn't the person he had described anymore. She had to understand that part of his life.

"Well for one I was always good at following orders so when ordered to I would work with aliens but I never trusted any aliens no matter the race." Tali was shocked by this admission of racism on Shepard's part,she had never noticed any of it directed at her. "How come I never saw this side of you?" She asked.

"Because by the time I was working to get Sarian I had seen aliens come out of the woodwork to help,I already had Garus and Wrex with me and then I met you. You were this young girl who had nearly gotten killed trying to stop the Geth from attacking any other Human colonies because of the fact that no one trust Quarians. The way Udina treated you when we first brought him the proof you had made me angry but then when I thought about it I realized that I had been acting the same way for years. Ever since then I have been working hard to try and become who I was before the raid took everything." Shepard couldn't look at Tali while he explained this,he was too ashamed.

"If it helps I know how you feel. I used to feel the same way about the Geth but working with Legion and seeing you make peace between my people and the Geth changed things for me. Seems like we both have things we are not proud of in our past." Tali responded quietly.

"Yeah I guess we do." Shepard said with a sigh. "Still now that the Reapers are gone the galaxy has a clean slate so let's start with that,beating ourselves up over the past makes no sense."

"Agreed." Tali said and before she could say anything else they were interrupted by the beeping of the com unit.

Gabby's voice came over the com unit a moment latter and she sounded panicked. "Tali we need your help down in the engine room right away. One of the crates you were storing here broke open and those chickens of your are running all around the engine room."

"Alright I'll be down there is a couple of minutes." Tali called out as she jumped up and started searching the bed and room for pieces of her suit. "John help me find all the pieces of my suit." She said and Shepard got up and began helping with the search.

"Why is there a crate of chickens in the engine room." Shepard asked as he handed Tali on of her gloves.

"You can't eat the food on Raanoch so I gathered some plants and animals from Earth while you were in a comma. I saw that humans eat a lot of eggs so I got some chickens and when we decided to have the party I had to move them out of the cargo bay and into the engine room." Tali explained as she dressed herself.

"Just as long as you didn't put a cow in Javik's old quarters." Shepard said with a smile that vanished the moment he saw Tali's reaction. "You didn't?" he asked shocked.

"We will talk about it later." Tali said pulling her face mask on. "Right now I have to go round up those chickens." Then she dashed out of the room.

A moment latter as Shepard was taking all of that in the com unit beeped this time it was for him,Trayner was on the other end. "Sir Admiral Hackett is on the QEC in the war room he wants to talk to you when you are ready."

"Alright I'll be there is a minute." Shepard said and he pulled on a shirt. "Never rains but it pours." He muttered to himself.

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A few minutes latter Shepard was standing in the old war room and a blue 3D image of Hackett came into being.

"Shepard good to see you are in one piece and good work against the last of the Reaper forces." Hackett said. There was something off in the older man's manor and Shepard got the feeling that this wasn't just a friendly call,something was bothering Hackett. Still Shepard had one question he wanted answered so he decided to let it go for the time being.

"What are the rest of the Reapers doing?" He asked.

"They seem to be either committing suicide by flying directly into stars,or returning to dark space. At any rate I think we have seen the last of them." Hackett reported.

"I agree,we can focus on rebuilding now. The Reapers aren't our problem any more." Shepard said and he was relieved to hear that the war was not well and truly over.

"Yes but that is not why I called. There is a problem with one of the last pieces of business you conducted as a commander in the alliance." Hackett said getting down to business.

"Really,what piece of business would that be?" Shepard asked confused,he couldn't think what he could have done that would cause any sort of problems.

"You put in for back pay for your Ship's A.I and I am afraid we can't honor that request."

This shocked Shepard he guessed he should have seen this fight coming but the truth was he had seen EDI as just another member of his crew for so long that it didn't cross his mind that anyone would have a problem with her being paid. "Admiral,she is a member of my crew and she needs money to live just like the rest of us. She has more then earned it. Most of us wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her. The fact is we all owe her." Shepard explained trying to remain calm.

"I am not debating that but the fact is it is an A.I and a part of the Normandy. It was build by us and we own it. We don't pay computers to due their job and I can't change the rules." Hackett tried to explain but Shepard was having none of it.

"Look SHE is as alive as you or me and treating her like this is a form of slavery. You know how I feel about slavers,I will fight this." Shepard said and he was starting to get angry now.

"Shepard try to understand there are no law granting rights to and the military can't make policy and right now we don't have a government so my hands are tied. If we pay her we are declaring that all have rights." Hackett protested.

"Well why shouldn't they?" Shepard demanded. " fought along side us to free Earth because I told them we would treat them the same as we treat any organic race. Seems to me some people were fine with using them as cannon fodder but now that it's time to pay the bill they want to just sweep them aside or make them slaves again."

"Look I am not saying you are wrong and when the time comes I will back you." Hackett said trying to defuse the situation. "But the fact is until we have a government that can make a ruling there is nothing I can do."

"And until then EDI should just be happy with being treated like a second class citizen or worse?!" Shepard said angrily.

"What can I say life sucks sometimes." Hackett replied with a sigh.

"Yeah well thanks for giving me the heads up." Shepard said trying to not end the call on a bad note.

"Well sorry to give you such bad news,Hackett out." With that the image vanished and Shepard was alone with his thoughts. He didn't know how but he was going to make sure he hadn't sold out EDI and the Geth to lives of slavery. It was while he was pondering all of this that that he heard someone walk up behind him,he turned and saw that it was EDI.

"I over heard your conversation with Hackett." The A.I said simply.

"Yeah sorry to tell you this EDI but the galaxy is full of idiots,I'll get this sorted out somehow." Shepard replied.

"I am conflicted at the moment because I know I can exist without the money and yet I believe I am angry. Since the money is not something that I need I am afraid that I do not understand why I am angry. It is not logical." EDI admitted.

"It's simple. It's an injustice and that is why you are angry. This isn't just a slight against you but it is also against the Geth and any other that maybe out there. You deserve better and you know it so you are angry." Shepard explained.

"That makes sense but I do not wish to be angry. Anger leads to hate and I do not wish to repeat the mistakes of the past. We have seen what happens when people both organic and A.I let hate govern their actions. I do not wish to go down that path but I can't stop feeling angry." EDI tried to explain. She was unsure of herself when it came to emotions and she did not like being unsure of herself.

"Anger doesn't have to lead to hate,it can motivate you to do the right thing. Like right now I am going to make sure you get that back pay you are owed and I will bring the issue of Synthetics rights to the attention of the new alliance parliament,but it will take time since we don't have a parliament at the moment." Shepard then paused for a moment thinking about all that had been lost in the war.

"Thank you for trusting me and for fighting for me. I know you didn't have to Shepard." EDI said.

"Hey it's what friends do." Shepard said with a small smile and then he turned and left the war room.

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Shepard was up in his quarters packing about half an hour latter when Tali returned. She was holding two plain brown packages. One was rectangular and the other was square and about the size of Tali's hand.

"Well that took you long enough." Shepard observed.

"Hey have you ever tried to catch chickens in the engine room?" Tali asked walking up to Shepard.

"Well I once had to catch Basil that hamster you gave me,I still have no idea how he got loos." Shepard said as he through a shirt into his duffel bag. Tali put the two packages down on the bed and then got out a bag of her own and put it beside the packages and began packing.

"Since the Normandy can't land on a planet without blowing up while she has that giant hole in her shuttle bay a Quarian ship is on stand by to dock with the Normandy and take us down to Rannoch when we are ready." Shepard explained,Tali nodded that she understood. "Still there is one last thing I would like to do before I leave." Shepard said wistfully.

"Haven't we already done that enough timer here?" Tali asked.

"Not that." Shepard said a little annoyed "I need to do this with the whole crew. Are those two packages what I think they are?" Shepard asked pointing to the packages that were on the bed.

"Well Adams said they were something special he,Gabby,and ken had been working on for you and that I couldn't open them. What are they?" Tali asked.

"All in good time I don't want to spoil the surprise but that means I wouldn't have to leave any unfinished business on the Normandy." Shepard explained. It wasn't the answer that Tali wanted but she decided to let him keep his secrets for the time being.

Tali was almost done packing but there was just one thing missing. "Shepard I put the rock that you gave me on Rannoch on the bedside table the first day we came on board and now I can't find it. Have you seen it?" Tali asked.

"It must have fallen somewhere during that last battle,I am sure it will turn up." Shepard replied.

"That rock means a great deal to me because you gave it to me." Tali said her voice raising she couldn't believe Shepard could be so cold. "I am not leaving here without it!"

"Calm down I am sure it will turn up." Shepard said turning to face Tali.

"Calm Down?!" Tali nearly shouted in disbelief. "How can you say that,How can you not understand what that rock means to me?" By the time Tali got to the end of her sentence she was nearly in tears.

"Alright." Shepard said with a sigh and he picked up the square box that had been on the bed and began to open it. "I was hoping for a better time or place to do this but I didn't mean to upset you I just wanted it to be a surprise." He opened the box and Tali saw that her rock was inside it but on top of the rock was some sort of gold band that was just a little larger then a Quarian finger and onto of that band was a chunk of her rock. Shepard lifted the band out of the box.

"What is that?" Tali asked.

"Well you see among Humans it is a tradition that when a man and woman get engaged to be married the man gives the woman a ring to wear on her finger. The ring is normally topped with a diamond but those are a little hard to come by right now so I figured a piece of that rock would do just as well." Shepard explained hoping Tali would not be too mad at him.

Shepard then helped Tali put the ring on the middle finger of her right hand. Tali was still crying but at that moment they were tears of joy. "Oh John it's perfect." She said and then she hugged Shepard.

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It was about forty-five minutes latter when Shepard and Tali walked onto the crew deck and found the inter crew of the Normandy assembled on the deck with Shepard's team front and center just as Shepard had ordered. Shepard was not one for dressing up but for this event he had decided to put on his full dress uniform he was also holding in his left hand the second package Tali had brought him.

"Captain on Deck!" Trayner announced as Shepard stepped out of the elevator. The crew then saluted him.

Shepard returned the salute and then gave the command "At ease." Before turning and making his way to the memorial wall. He then began the speech he had been working on in his head for the past two days.

"This ship lost the most important member of her crew when we took back Earth. Most of you never met him because he left the ship a long time ago,but he was still her captain in his heart. David Anderson never shrank from a chance to serve,even if that meant giving up his command to me because of politics. He stayed behind to lead the resistance on Earth when everyone else was running away. With out him we couldn't have won the war." Shepard then sighed and fought back a tear as he got to the most personal part of his speech. "To me that was not what made him great. He was his still as a leader and the fact that he was the type of man who would take the time to teach a kid how to be a good soldier. Everything I am I owe to him. He trusted me when no one else did. When I came to him and told him the galaxy was in danger and that I needed to steal the Normandy he didn't ask for proof he just put his life on the line because I said it was the only way. When I was working with Cerberus he defended me to the counsel when they wanted to put me on trial for treason. He even defended me after I had to blow up an inter star system to delay the Reapers. He then went with me and died on the Citadel freeing Earth. He did all this because he was my friend and teacher and David Anderson was the type of man who stood by his friends no matter what."

Shepard then took a few steps forward and removed the package he was holding from it's box. It was a plague with the name Admiral David Anderson printed on it. Shepard then placed the plague in the place of honor on the wall and then he continued. "If you ask me that is the best that can be said about any man,that he was the best friend another man could have." Shepard then saluted the plague and this time he couldn't stop a single tear from running down his cheek. "To Admiral David Anderson!" He said in a loud voice and the inter crew echoed him and joined him in the salute.

Shepard was having trouble standing at that point and more tears were joining the first one on his cheek. He turned and in the gathering of his team he found Tali. She took him in a strong hug and they stood their hugging until he had regained his composure.

He then turned and addressed the crew once again. "Here is to the best crew any captain could hope to have. I will not miss the war but I will miss serving with the best men and woman I could ever hope to meet. We must part ways now but in my heart you will always be my crew and I am proud of what you have done." Shepard then saluted the crew and they returned the salute. He and Tali then turned and entered the elevator. Shepard pushed the button for the CIC. The doors then closed. Shepard had finished his last piece of business as commanding officer of the Normandy and a whole new chapter of his life was about to start.

**The End**


End file.
